Amy Coney Barrett: ‘Oh Relax, I’m Still Gonna Let You Little Homos Live, Just Not Together’

Amy Coney Barrett: ‘Oh Relax, I’m Still Gonna Let You Little Homos Live, Just Not Together’

Many Americans who supported Justice Barrett’s nomination noted it was just a casual comment made during Supreme Court Locker Room talk, but countless members and allies of the LGBTQ+ community remain fearful of what could come. Justice Barrett doubled down citing that she couldn’t alter the death penalty for homosexuality at this time, but it is something she thinks about from time to time while praying before bed with her family.

Guy In NFL Is Gay

Guy In NFL Is Gay

Carl Nassib, a defensive lineman for the Las Vegas Raiders, became the first active player in the NFL to publicly identify as gay on Monday. Fans praised his coming out video on Instagram as a huge step forward for queer representation in sports since that time Tom Brady kissed his son on the mouth.

How To Stop Wasting Time During The Pandemic And Start Languishing Away

How To Stop Wasting Time During The Pandemic And Start Languishing Away

Perhaps like me, you started the pandemic with goals: write a novel, learn a new language, or at least work out everyday. And now more than a year later, you’ve achieved none of these goals. If you are disappointed in yourself for wasting time, you shouldn’t be. You are not wasting time. Instead, what you are going through is wasting time’s fabulous gay cousin: languishing.

Love, Victor Season Two Will Feature Hardcore Fisting Scene

Love, Victor Season Two Will Feature Hardcore Fisting Scene

The public pressed Disney for queer representation and Disney has answered: “Love, Victor” star Michael Cimino confirms this season will feature a hardcore romantic fistfuck scene. Fans can expect to see Victor stretch himself physically and emotionally for his lover Benji in response to cries for a more authentic queer experience for fans.

5 Chrissy Teigen Tweets That Explain Reagan’s Response To The AIDS Crisis

5 Chrissy Teigen Tweets That Explain Reagan’s Response To The AIDS Crisis

we were inspired to comb through Chrissy’s other old, now deleted tweets in hopes of redeeming her. What we found will blow your mind. Do Chrissy’s tweets actually provide an important lesson in 80’s history?

First Circuit Party After Quarantine Announces “Flattering Sweater” Theme

First Circuit Party After Quarantine Announces “Flattering Sweater” Theme

Ravers have been hit especially hard by the pandemic, with almost no opportunities for dancing-that-becomes-sex-and-then-just-a-messy-hug in well over a year. But circuit parties also have reputations as toxic nightmare-discos, where molly-addled white gays on steroids blindly writhe in a swamp of body dysmorphia and santal 33. And it’s exactly that vibe organizers are hoping to replicate in this post-Covid world!

Bold! Straight Woman Wearing Leather Jacket

Bold! Straight Woman Wearing Leather Jacket

In a move confusing to the entire LGBTQ+ community, 27-year-old Lisa Maher was seen strutting down Broadway Avenue on Tuesday morning sporting a leather jacket despite being straight.

‘Wicked’ Zoom Performance Foiled By Green Screen

‘Wicked’ Zoom Performance Foiled By Green Screen

My hopes were quickly dashed as the Ensemble, dressed head-to-toe in emerald, disappeared into the green screen background. They became a chorus of floating heads and hands–there was no way of knowing what their torsos were doing.

Lesbian Gives Up Baby Fever, Perfectly Content Mothering Partner Instead

Lesbian Gives Up Baby Fever, Perfectly Content Mothering Partner Instead

Mel, a Bushwick lesbian in her mid-30s, recently announced her decision to give up her lifelong dream of being a mother. Rather than have children of her own, Mel is embracing the maternal role she’s taken on in her romantic relationship with Rhea, a recent NYU graduate.

We’re Here! We’re Queer! That’s About All I Have In Common With This Grindr Hookup!

We’re Here! We’re Queer! That’s About All I Have In Common With This Grindr Hookup!

When Marlon McKee and Theo Jenkins matched on the popular dating app, Grindr, the two men had only one thought going through their minds: “Yeah, I guess.” McKee and Jenkins met last Thursday when both signed into the service in search of intimate company.

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We’re Here! We’re Queer! That’s About All I Have In Common With This Grindr Hookup!

When Marlon McKee and Theo Jenkins matched on the popular dating app, Grindr, the two men had only one thought going through their minds: “Yeah, I guess.” McKee and Jenkins met last Thursday when both signed into the service in search of intimate company.

I’m Not Pansexual, I Am Pan-sexual, I’m In Love With A Half Goat Half Man

I am proud to be able to come out and say, “hello world, I am Pan-sexual. I am in love with the half-goat, half-man of Greek lore, Pan.” For years, I called myself Bisexual, but that wasn’t really it. Yes, he is both, a man and a goat, but he’s also a god… so that’s more than two things.

Straight Brother Hotter

In a season of tragedy comes another disaster: Robert Wilson’s brother Lyle, a heterosexual, is hotter than his gay brother. Robert, a single, mid-twenties programmer who really wants to find someone he can be dedicated to began posting videos from his parents’ home during quarantine. The saccharine content included family breakfasts, “costume competitions”, and the perpetually shirtless Lyle, who flexes literally every time he notices the camera on him.

Speaking Out: The New Amateur Pornstar You Should Subscribe To Is Me, Your Fourth Grade Best Friend

Look, let me cut to the chase – I know you have a big heavy boner for me. I’m not shaming you for that, in fact, I find it heartwarming that you crave after my penis the way you used to crave that rectangle pizza we ate every Friday in the cafeteria.

Sexy Pics You’re Still Allowed To Send Even If You’re Technically In A Monogamous Relationship

Oops! You drank 4 gin and tonics on an empty stomach and got a little trigger happy in your Instagram DMs. Which of the several photos and videos you sent to exes, a handful of people you’ve slept with, and…woof, your old manager from Lululemon, are incriminating? Thankfully, not as many as you think.

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Remembering Straight Pride Month

Straight Cisgender White Man Guaranteed Presidential Election Win

Straight Cisgender White Man Guaranteed Presidential Election Win

“We have elected many different white men to be President, but never before have we dwindled down such a diverse group of ambitious and qualified candidates down to one single straight white male candidate to face another straight white male candidate from the opposing party,” said Tom Perez, the chair of the Democratic National Committee.

Straights, Closeted For The First Time, Finally Create Great Art

Straights, Closeted For The First Time, Finally Create Great Art

Reports poured in across the country of straight people, having endured months of social isolation, abruptly producing spectacular masterworks of fine art.

Straight America Discovers Bidet

Straight America Discovers Bidet

In a movement akin to when white gays invented voguing, straight America has fallen tush-over-toes for the bidet as their go-to toilet paper alternative.

Ally Meetup Held In Space Between Two Queer People Talking

Ally Meetup Held In Space Between Two Queer People Talking

A gathering of straight allies dedicated to supporting the LGBTQ+ community recently took place between two queer people who were having a conversation. Maya Berman and Jessica Anello were reportedly chatting about oat milk at their local cafe when fifteen straights in rainbow regalia crammed between them and began their meeting.

How Straight Pride Forgot Its Radical Roots

How Straight Pride Forgot Its Radical Roots

The Straight Pride Parade, which drew several dozen participants from the comments section of a

BREAKING: These Straight Pride Marchers Are Single, Ladies!

BREAKING: These Straight Pride Marchers Are Single, Ladies!

BOSTON, MA— Shockwaves rebounded throughout the heterosexual community today when the public learned that most

Trucks!

Trucks!

VROOOM vrooom vrooom vroom VRRRROOM!!!!!!!!!

3 Outrageous Pregnancy Scares For Your Straight Pride Pre-Game

3 Outrageous Pregnancy Scares For Your Straight Pride Pre-Game

We’re straight! We’re great! And our periods are frighteningly late!  Are you glowing with straight pride,