5 Pictures Of Gillian Anderson, That’s It

5 Pictures Of Gillian Anderson, That’s It

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but queer women believe that a picture of Gillian Anderson is worth approximately ten thousand. Look: she’s a queer icon, she’s hot, and five pictures of her carry the emotional and sexual weight of three The Price of Salts. Whether she’s rocking a flannel shirt whilst sitting on a large rock, or chaotically making a mixed drink– Ms. Anderson is incredible and the following photos are proof.

Quiz: Are You A Top, A Bottom, Or A White Supremacist Storming The Capitol?

Quiz: Are You A Top, A Bottom, Or A White Supremacist Storming The Capitol?

Whether you’re newly out of the closet or just now shaving your beard and covering your Nazi tattoos to evade the FBI, finding a label that represents you can be tough. That’s why we’ve devised this quiz to help you figure out if you’re a top, a bottom, or a racist, armed insurrectionist contesting our democratic election!

5 MLK Quotes To Cover Your Naughty Bits On Your Finsta

5 MLK Quotes To Cover Your Naughty Bits On Your Finsta

Everyone’s favorite and only holiday centered around a Black guy is coming up! In a sexually liberated world, why is it that our annual attempt at supporting Black people is so buttoned up! Here are the top five Martin Luther King Jr. quotes that you can easily (thanks Instagram!) use to cover up your naughty bits to give a titillating twist for your Finsta on this special, special day.

Heartfelt Coming Out Speech To Colleagues Delivered On Mute

Heartfelt Coming Out Speech To Colleagues Delivered On Mute

Char Eden, 29, a non-binary paralegal at Manfred-Khan Solicitors is reported partially closeted after their attempt to come out to colleagues at the firm’s daily Zoom meeting failed due to a muted microphone.

Quiz: Are You Straight Or Do You Sit With Your Legs Entangled Like A Pretzel?

Quiz: Are You Straight Or Do You Sit With Your Legs Entangled Like A Pretzel?

As not to provide too much detail about your personal life to colleagues, here’s a quiz to determine whether your sitting style oozes “straight” or “so gay you take an hour at the end of the work day to untangle your legs like origami.”

These Two Kids In a Trench Coat Use They Pronouns

These Two Kids In a Trench Coat Use They Pronouns

In an announcement on social media, Hugo Grown, who is two cis kids in a trench coat, came out as using gender neutral ‘they’ pronouns. When asked to comment, the child posing as Hugo’s upper half stated, “this is us–I mean, me–being proud of who I am: a non-binary adult who is old enough to buy lighters.”

Santa Exhausted After Visiting Houses Of Every Good Twink

Santa Exhausted After Visiting Houses Of Every Good Twink

After a busy Christmas Eve, Santa Claus is reportedly exhausted and dehydrated after delivering presents to the world’s nice children and performing the traditional breeding of the good twinks.

Gay Co-worker Gifted ‘Milk’ DVD For 12th Consecutive Year

Gay Co-worker Gifted ‘Milk’ DVD For 12th Consecutive Year

Glenn Howard, the only queer in an otherwise straight office received a DVD copy of “Milk” for Secret Santa again this year, making it his twelfth consecutive copy since the film premiered twelve years ago. Despite his lack of interest in the film, Howard’s straight co-workers have decided one by one that “Milk” is a film he will probably enjoy because it’s about gay people.

Sexy Advent Calendar Getting Progressively Avant Garde

Sexy Advent Calendar Getting Progressively Avant Garde

“The thing is, 25 is a really big number,” explains Hank Gorman. Gorman’s advent calendar Oops! All Santa features risque, theoretically artistic nude photographs that are meant to be torn away once per day through December–but consumers were hardly a week in before they noticed the project getting…avant garde.

God and Joseph Reveal That Mary Was Just Their Surrogate

God and Joseph Reveal That Mary Was Just Their Surrogate

BETHLEHEM— A researcher at the Vatican Library has discovered a lost text written by God

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Lists

Speaking Out

Shh! The Pride Party Still Happened, We Just Didn’t Want Steve There

Today, Austin Bickal and the “Boys Who Brunch” announced via their alt Twitter accounts that all Pride events planned for this summer were in fact reinstated and relocated to the basement of that one Hamburger Mary’s.

Speaking Out: Don’t Pity Fuck Your Black Friend, Donate To Them

After a meeting held by every Black person you know, we have come to the conclusion that your Facebook posts and kicky hashtags are not enough for you to hit us up wondering what we are up to in ten minutes. We get it – you see us being unfairly treated in a world built against us and for some reason you believe your head game will blow all our troubles away.

If We Get Rid Of The Cops, Who Is Going To Do Nothing About My Stalker?

There has been a lot of talk this year about abolishing the police. But if we defund the police, what happens when you really need them most?

I, The Haunted Doll In Your Childhood Bedroom, Know All Your Gay Secrets

Are you there, Sappho? It’s me, Agnes, the haunted Victorian doll that’s been living in your childhood bedroom rent free since you were four.

We, The Nation’s Institutions, Are Shocked To Learn Who’s Responsible For Institutionalized Racism

We, the nation’s arts, education, and nonprofit institutions condemn the racism in our police and prison industrial complex. But it has come to our attention that we are responsible for perpetuating white supremacy too.

Awf Topics

Remembering Straight Pride Month

Straight Cisgender White Man Guaranteed Presidential Election Win

Straight Cisgender White Man Guaranteed Presidential Election Win

“We have elected many different white men to be President, but never before have we dwindled down such a diverse group of ambitious and qualified candidates down to one single straight white male candidate to face another straight white male candidate from the opposing party,” said Tom Perez, the chair of the Democratic National Committee.

Straights, Closeted For The First Time, Finally Create Great Art

Straights, Closeted For The First Time, Finally Create Great Art

Reports poured in across the country of straight people, having endured months of social isolation, abruptly producing spectacular masterworks of fine art.

Straight America Discovers Bidet

Straight America Discovers Bidet

In a movement akin to when white gays invented voguing, straight America has fallen tush-over-toes for the bidet as their go-to toilet paper alternative.

Ally Meetup Held In Space Between Two Queer People Talking

Ally Meetup Held In Space Between Two Queer People Talking

A gathering of straight allies dedicated to supporting the LGBTQ+ community recently took place between two queer people who were having a conversation. Maya Berman and Jessica Anello were reportedly chatting about oat milk at their local cafe when fifteen straights in rainbow regalia crammed between them and began their meeting.

How Straight Pride Forgot Its Radical Roots

How Straight Pride Forgot Its Radical Roots

The Straight Pride Parade, which drew several dozen participants from the comments section of a

BREAKING: These Straight Pride Marchers Are Single, Ladies!

BREAKING: These Straight Pride Marchers Are Single, Ladies!

BOSTON, MA— Shockwaves rebounded throughout the heterosexual community today when the public learned that most

Trucks!

Trucks!

VROOOM vrooom vrooom vroom VRRRROOM!!!!!!!!!

3 Outrageous Pregnancy Scares For Your Straight Pride Pre-Game

3 Outrageous Pregnancy Scares For Your Straight Pride Pre-Game

We’re straight! We’re great! And our periods are frighteningly late!  Are you glowing with straight pride,