Netflix Adds New ‘Skip Accountability’ Button

Netflix Adds New ‘Skip Accountability’ Button

Netflix announced its new ‘skip accountability’ feature this week, which allows company executives to skirt blame and fast-forward through culpability– all with the simple click of a button! Netflix has been testing this feature for several months now and is proud to be showcasing it on such a large scale in the wake of the new Chappelle comedy special.

Gay White Man Has Confidence Of Straight White Man

Gay White Man Has Confidence Of Straight White Man

In addition to politics, this fucker is apparently an expert on topics such as personal finance, craft beer, Keynesian economics, directors of world cinema, the collapse of the housing market, cryptocurrency, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, most sports, the healthcare industry, and feminism.

Breaking: Nintendo Switch Actually Prefers to Nintendo Bottom

Breaking: Nintendo Switch Actually Prefers to Nintendo Bottom

Nintendo’s beloved console, the Nintendo Switch, has been met with controversy since its release in 2017. The system was named for its ability to switch between handheld and TV mode based on whatever the user was in the mood for that night. However, while the console is capable of performing in different positions, it reportedly prefers Nintendo Bottoming more.

Lab Results Determine Man Self-Diagnosed As ‘Spiraling’ Is Just Dehydrated

Lab Results Determine Man Self-Diagnosed As ‘Spiraling’ Is Just Dehydrated

Emergency Room workers at Mount Sinai Hospital reached a routine diagnosis of dehydration after running labs for Brian Thomas, a 27 year old Social Media Manager. Thomas checked himself into the ER earlier that day claiming he had come down with a severe case of “spiraling”. While he claimed that he was feeling intense symptoms of “can’t even,” labs concluded Brian was clearly just dehydrated.

Inspiring! This Queer Artist Did Not Draw A Single Nude Body Part In Her Masterpiece

Inspiring! This Queer Artist Did Not Draw A Single Nude Body Part In Her Masterpiece

The Soho-based gallery MVMNT shocked the art world today with their new exhibition of the work of Maisy Sims. The exhibition centers around the piece, Queer Life (2021), a paneled tryptic still life. The piece now finds itself in the middle of a controversy; it doesn’t have a single boob, butt, or any balls on it.

Dan Levy Announces New Project Where He Just Shuts Up For A Little While

Dan Levy Announces New Project Where He Just Shuts Up For A Little While

Fresh off his success in “Schitt’s Creek,” “Happiest Season,” and his year as a darling of late night appearances and social media stardom, Dan Levy has announced that for his next project the actor plans to just shut up for a little while.

Pornhub Introduces ‘Longing Glances’ Category

Pornhub Introduces ‘Longing Glances’ Category

Pornhub has announced a new category to draw in new viewers to the streaming mega-site — devoted viewers can find the new category labeled “Longing Glances.” While most people wouldn’t consider two people looking at each other from afar for 30 seconds porn, Pornhub aims to change that. The site has realized that for too long, it has overlooked a key demographic, women, queers, and people who are just a little too into period pieces. The site hopes that the new category can bring these users into the world of Pornhub.

Liza Minnelli Sighting At Gay Bar Actually Disorganized Coat Check

Liza Minnelli Sighting At Gay Bar Actually Disorganized Coat Check

Yas Queen or Dry Clean? Not unlike the nation, local gay bar patrons found themselves utterly divided on whether Liza Minelli had made a surprise appearance, or if it was just a heaping pile of fabulous coats. Frenzied gays reportedly yelled “slay!” at the motionless coat pile for several minutes, assuming Ms. Minelli was merely holding a dramatic pose. Volvika Cran, a bartender working the infamous Liza shift, maintains Ms. Minelli was not present.

Local Mom Doesn’t Understand Why You Need To Know What Time You Were Born

Local Mom Doesn’t Understand Why You Need To Know What Time You Were Born

At approximately 11:23PM EDT last night, local mother Tina Rogers received a text from her youngest child, 22-year-old Rose, reading: “what time was I born?” Unbeknownst to Rogers, Rose needed the data to get a more accurate astrological birth chart in an attempt to bed a bisexual woman.

Lesbian Blissfully Forgets About ‘The L Word’ Reboot For A Little While

Lesbian Blissfully Forgets About ‘The L Word’ Reboot For A Little While

This week, one local lesbian, Winona Young, was happy to report that she had not thought about “The L Word: Generation Q” for at least ten months. According to Young, “this has been one of the hardest years of my life, but I still feel so lucky that I was able to live as if ‘The L Word’ cinematic universe was never expanded.”

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We’re Here! We’re Queer! That’s About All I Have In Common With This Grindr Hookup!

When Marlon McKee and Theo Jenkins matched on the popular dating app, Grindr, the two men had only one thought going through their minds: “Yeah, I guess.” McKee and Jenkins met last Thursday when both signed into the service in search of intimate company.

I’m Not Pansexual, I Am Pan-sexual, I’m In Love With A Half Goat Half Man

I am proud to be able to come out and say, “hello world, I am Pan-sexual. I am in love with the half-goat, half-man of Greek lore, Pan.” For years, I called myself Bisexual, but that wasn’t really it. Yes, he is both, a man and a goat, but he’s also a god… so that’s more than two things.

Straight Brother Hotter

In a season of tragedy comes another disaster: Robert Wilson’s brother Lyle, a heterosexual, is hotter than his gay brother. Robert, a single, mid-twenties programmer who really wants to find someone he can be dedicated to began posting videos from his parents’ home during quarantine. The saccharine content included family breakfasts, “costume competitions”, and the perpetually shirtless Lyle, who flexes literally every time he notices the camera on him.

Speaking Out: The New Amateur Pornstar You Should Subscribe To Is Me, Your Fourth Grade Best Friend

Look, let me cut to the chase – I know you have a big heavy boner for me. I’m not shaming you for that, in fact, I find it heartwarming that you crave after my penis the way you used to crave that rectangle pizza we ate every Friday in the cafeteria.

Sexy Pics You’re Still Allowed To Send Even If You’re Technically In A Monogamous Relationship

Oops! You drank 4 gin and tonics on an empty stomach and got a little trigger happy in your Instagram DMs. Which of the several photos and videos you sent to exes, a handful of people you’ve slept with, and…woof, your old manager from Lululemon, are incriminating? Thankfully, not as many as you think.

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Remembering Straight Pride Month

Straight Cisgender White Man Guaranteed Presidential Election Win

Straight Cisgender White Man Guaranteed Presidential Election Win

“We have elected many different white men to be President, but never before have we dwindled down such a diverse group of ambitious and qualified candidates down to one single straight white male candidate to face another straight white male candidate from the opposing party,” said Tom Perez, the chair of the Democratic National Committee.

Straights, Closeted For The First Time, Finally Create Great Art

Straights, Closeted For The First Time, Finally Create Great Art

Reports poured in across the country of straight people, having endured months of social isolation, abruptly producing spectacular masterworks of fine art.

Straight America Discovers Bidet

Straight America Discovers Bidet

In a movement akin to when white gays invented voguing, straight America has fallen tush-over-toes for the bidet as their go-to toilet paper alternative.

Ally Meetup Held In Space Between Two Queer People Talking

Ally Meetup Held In Space Between Two Queer People Talking

A gathering of straight allies dedicated to supporting the LGBTQ+ community recently took place between two queer people who were having a conversation. Maya Berman and Jessica Anello were reportedly chatting about oat milk at their local cafe when fifteen straights in rainbow regalia crammed between them and began their meeting.

How Straight Pride Forgot Its Radical Roots

How Straight Pride Forgot Its Radical Roots

The Straight Pride Parade, which drew several dozen participants from the comments section of a

BREAKING: These Straight Pride Marchers Are Single, Ladies!

BREAKING: These Straight Pride Marchers Are Single, Ladies!

BOSTON, MA— Shockwaves rebounded throughout the heterosexual community today when the public learned that most

Trucks!

Trucks!

VROOOM vrooom vrooom vroom VRRRROOM!!!!!!!!!

3 Outrageous Pregnancy Scares For Your Straight Pride Pre-Game

3 Outrageous Pregnancy Scares For Your Straight Pride Pre-Game

We’re straight! We’re great! And our periods are frighteningly late!  Are you glowing with straight pride,