Local Mom Happy Lady Gaga ‘Has Mellowed Out’ Lately

Local Mom Happy Lady Gaga ‘Has Mellowed Out’ Lately

“You know I’ve always liked her, but I just think it’s kind of nice that she isn’t wearing all those flashy costumes anymore,” local mom Trish MacGibbon reports. “Now it’s just about the singing.”

Ally Meetup Held In Space Between Two Queer People Talking

Ally Meetup Held In Space Between Two Queer People Talking

A gathering of straight allies dedicated to supporting the LGBTQ+ community recently took place between two queer people who were having a conversation. Maya Berman and Jessica Anello were reportedly chatting about oat milk at their local cafe when fifteen straights in rainbow regalia crammed between them and began their meeting.

Gender Is Over, But My Boat’s Pronouns Are Still She/Her

Gender Is Over, But My Boat’s Pronouns Are Still She/Her

Forcing the binary of gender upon humanity has been one of the most oppressive burdens our species has ever had to bear. That said. My boat? She’s all woman.

6 Nail Art Trends That Won’t Give Your Partner A UTI

6 Nail Art Trends That Won’t Give Your Partner A UTI

Want a Pinterest-worthy manicure without the hassle of sending your partner to the gynecologist… or the ER? Try these lesbian-approved nail trends today!

Watch This Drag Queen Transform From Icon To Person You Ignore On The Apps

Watch This Drag Queen Transform From Icon To Person You Ignore On The Apps

It’s like a night and day difference! You’ve given her $112 this fiscal year as local legend Patty O’Weather and 0 replies as human being Derrick Turner!

In Response To Popeyes Chicken Sandwich, Chick-Fil-A Debuts Limited Edition Tolerance Of Gays

In Response To Popeyes Chicken Sandwich, Chick-Fil-A Debuts Limited Edition Tolerance Of Gays

“In order to stay competitive in the chicken sandwich market, we knew we had to make a change,” said Chick-Fil-A CEO Dan Cathy, “and that’s why we’re proud to do the bare minimum for all you perfectly tolerable queers out there. Please buy our food.”

New Shade Of Green Added To Pride Flag To Represent Baby Yoda

New Shade Of Green Added To Pride Flag To Represent Baby Yoda

“He belongs to us now,” said Christian T., a self-appointed spokesperson for the LGBTQBY+ community. “Our little prince.”

Martin Scorsese Says Sean Cody ‘Not Cinema’

Martin Scorsese Says Sean Cody ‘Not Cinema’

The director lamented that Sean Cody’s latest release “Jackson Tops Chris M. Pt II” lacks the character development of “Strangers on a Train.”

The ‘+’ in Disney+ Makes Me Feel Included

The ‘+’ in Disney+ Makes Me Feel Included

HBO, Netflix, and Hulu are so exclusionary! I am happy that a streaming service has finally opened its doors to me! It’s not such a small world after all!

The 5 Hottest Sociopaths On My Gay Dodgeball Team

The 5 Hottest Sociopaths On My Gay Dodgeball Team

I joined a gay dodgeball team this summer, but instead of attention all I found were 5 sociopaths—really, really hot sociopaths.

I’m Afraid Of Commitment, Except For The Ink On My Body Forever

I’m Afraid Of Commitment, Except For The Ink On My Body Forever

The only woman I can commit to is the topless pinup of Marge Simpson tattooed on the entire length of my forearm. The idea of “forever” is just so daunting.

‘I’m Not Really Into The Gay Scene’ Reports Man Who Fucks Men

‘I’m Not Really Into The Gay Scene’ Reports Man Who Fucks Men

“Sorry, but all that gay shit doesn’t really do it for me,” stated Doug Mckenna under the Grindr username “f💦ckmedaddy” at 3:27 AM this past Sunday.

Gays Flying South Indicates End Of Pride Season

Gays Flying South Indicates End Of Pride Season

Temperatures have finally shifted from crop top weather to scarf weather. Another successful Pride season across North America comes to a conclusion and the region’s most majestic species make their migrations back to their regular lives. 

Speaking Out: My Gaycation Was Ruined By Traveling With Gay Friends

Speaking Out: My Gaycation Was Ruined By Traveling With Gay Friends

Mykonos has become the destination for queers to let loose, tan their abs and wear

Sparkling Water Comes Out As Queer

Sparkling Water Comes Out As Queer

MADISON, WI— LaCroix has always been known for having a splash of fruity flavor, but

Top 8 Lies I’ve Told to Make My Parents Seem Less Republican

Top 8 Lies I’ve Told to Make My Parents Seem Less Republican

It isn’t easy being the solo Republican-raised gay girl in my group of very cool,

A Day In Activism: My Young Gay Ass Went To Stonewall

A Day In Activism: My Young Gay Ass Went To Stonewall

Okay, have you even heard of gay rights??? This week I was exposed to something

Awf Topics

This Queer Fantasy Football League Is Just The 49ers Lesbian Assistant Coach And No Players

This Queer Fantasy Football League Is Just The 49ers Lesbian Assistant Coach And No Players

After seeing the amazing new representation in the NFL, this queer fantasy football league has forgone the need for any actual players when they realized Katie Sowers would be there. Who needs a whole team of straight male athletes when you can have one lesbian with a sick undercut?

Area Woman Disappointed Gay Coworker Has ‘Nothing To Say’ About Her Outfit

Area Woman Disappointed Gay Coworker Has ‘Nothing To Say’ About Her Outfit

“He also didn’t care that I put Beyonce on the office happy hour playlist,” Tricia reports, although it is worth noting the song chosen was the original “Get Me Bodied” and not the remix.

Help! My Boyfriend Thinks He’s The Funny One

Help! My Boyfriend Thinks He’s The Funny One

It was cute at first, but once he started talking about taking advanced improv classes, I knew I had let it go too far.

Watch This Drag Queen Transform From Icon To Person You Ignore On The Apps

Watch This Drag Queen Transform From Icon To Person You Ignore On The Apps

It’s like a night and day difference! You’ve given her $112 this fiscal year as local legend Patty O’Weather and 0 replies as human being Derrick Turner!

Dad Who Understands Fantasy Baseball ‘Doesn’t Get’ Gender Identity

Dad Who Understands Fantasy Baseball ‘Doesn’t Get’ Gender Identity

“It’s just so complicated,” remarked local father, Jonathan Coates, who understands what such terms as “ADP” and “walk-to-strikeout rate” mean. “Like, ‘they’ is singular now? It just doesn’t seem right. Anyway, some jackass just swiped one of my players. Who do they think they are?”

J.K. Rowling Reveals Her Patronus: A Grandma Who Still Deadnames Caitlyn Jenner

J.K. Rowling Reveals Her Patronus: A Grandma Who Still Deadnames Caitlyn Jenner

You can’t “obliviate” the fact that your favorite author reminds you of Nana two margs deep. Rowling actually wasn’t suffering from a Confundis Charm when drafting her latest Tweet.

In Response To Popeyes Chicken Sandwich, Chick-Fil-A Debuts Limited Edition Tolerance Of Gays

In Response To Popeyes Chicken Sandwich, Chick-Fil-A Debuts Limited Edition Tolerance Of Gays

“In order to stay competitive in the chicken sandwich market, we knew we had to make a change,” said Chick-Fil-A CEO Dan Cathy, “and that’s why we’re proud to do the bare minimum for all you perfectly tolerable queers out there. Please buy our food.”

New Shade Of Green Added To Pride Flag To Represent Baby Yoda

New Shade Of Green Added To Pride Flag To Represent Baby Yoda

“He belongs to us now,” said Christian T., a self-appointed spokesperson for the LGBTQBY+ community. “Our little prince.”

‘Tevas Aren’t Gay’ Says Woman With Feet Naked With A Bunch Of Little Strap Ons

‘Tevas Aren’t Gay’ Says Woman With Feet Naked With A Bunch Of Little Strap Ons

After a 12-minute debate she admitted, “Okay yes. Fine! I am wearing what can only be described as the equivalent of a death drop for lesbians!”

‘I’m Not Really Into The Gay Scene’ Reports Man Who Fucks Men

‘I’m Not Really Into The Gay Scene’ Reports Man Who Fucks Men

“Sorry, but all that gay shit doesn’t really do it for me,” stated Doug Mckenna under the Grindr username “f💦ckmedaddy” at 3:27 AM this past Sunday.

Ellen Spends National Coming Out Day With Exhumed Corpse Of Justice Scalia

Ellen Spends National Coming Out Day With Exhumed Corpse Of Justice Scalia

DeGeneres and the freshly dug up remains of Justice Scalia were spotted this past National Coming Out Day laughing it up and decomposing, respectively. “On this day in particular, it feels liberating to finally show the world who I really am!” The former comedian defended her proximity to the bigoted, rotting corpse. “We should be kind to everyone, even the corpses of those who sought to codify queer oppression!”

Friend Wondering If You Got To Gay Part Of TV Show Yet

Friend Wondering If You Got To Gay Part Of TV Show Yet

“Did you hit season 2, episode 5? I think you’ll really like it,” reported a local friend with a wink.

Study Shows Gay Gene Can’t Be Found, Last Seen In Bathroom Asking Around For Molly

Study Shows Gay Gene Can’t Be Found, Last Seen In Bathroom Asking Around For Molly

While the study sample was exclusively circuit gays, scientists can still conclusively say they have no fucking idea where Gene went. “Gene told researchers that he loves us but his body is too warm and the music sucks. Then he just bolted,” reported team leader Calvin Tolbin. “We’ve been searching for answers. Gene’s been searching for uppers.”

Gag-Worthy Pride Parade Swag We Can’t Wait To See Suffocate A Sea Turtle

Gag-Worthy Pride Parade Swag We Can’t Wait To See Suffocate A Sea Turtle

It isn’t a Pride parade unless there’s glitter, confetti, and swag that will never decompose. Why have microplastics when you could have microplastiques!?

Swift’s YNTCD Music Video Linked To Massive Spike In Homophobia From Me Personally

Swift’s YNTCD Music Video Linked To Massive Spike In Homophobia From Me Personally

Following the release of Swift’s highly popular LGBT anthem, a recent nationwide poll found that a sudden rise in anti-gay sentiment specifically from your’s truly.

Neat! This New Harness Hugs Me Like My Father Never Did

Neat! This New Harness Hugs Me Like My Father Never Did

“As an added bonus, the smell of the leather reminds me of his freshly polished work shoes!”

Remembering Straight Pride Month

Ally Meetup Held In Space Between Two Queer People Talking

Ally Meetup Held In Space Between Two Queer People Talking

A gathering of straight allies dedicated to supporting the LGBTQ+ community recently took place between two queer people who were having a conversation. Maya Berman and Jessica Anello were reportedly chatting about oat milk at their local cafe when fifteen straights in rainbow regalia crammed between them and began their meeting.

How Straight Pride Forgot Its Radical Roots

How Straight Pride Forgot Its Radical Roots

The Straight Pride Parade, which drew several dozen participants from the comments section of a

BREAKING: These Straight Pride Marchers Are Single, Ladies!

BREAKING: These Straight Pride Marchers Are Single, Ladies!

BOSTON, MA— Shockwaves rebounded throughout the heterosexual community today when the public learned that most

Trucks!

Trucks!

VROOOM vrooom vrooom vroom VRRRROOM!!!!!!!!!

3 Outrageous Pregnancy Scares For Your Straight Pride Pre-Game

3 Outrageous Pregnancy Scares For Your Straight Pride Pre-Game

We’re straight! We’re great! And our periods are frighteningly late!  Are you glowing with straight pride,

Straight Pride Parade Announces Float To Honor Catcalling

Straight Pride Parade Announces Float To Honor Catcalling

Hey! Hey you reading this! Nice tits! Leadership confirmed that this float will feature prominent members

Straight Pride Attendance Numbers Bolstered By Gays Who ‘Don’t Do Leather’

Straight Pride Attendance Numbers Bolstered By Gays Who ‘Don’t Do Leather’

As per usual, straight men’s pride has been saved by their oldest ally, self-hating gays.