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Tag: 2020 Election

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Election Recount Drags On As Gays Attempt to Count Votes By Hand
  • November 11, 2020November 11, 2020
  • Matt Grote

Election Recount Drags On As Gays Attempt to Count Votes By Hand

After a record breaking election, a record breaking recount. And in a replay of the election, the recount is dragging its feet as well. Last time, a cocktail of mail-in ballots and legal interference were to blame, but this time: gays trying to do math.

Straight Cisgender White Man Guaranteed Presidential Election Win
  • November 6, 2020November 6, 2020
  • Ryan Leach

Straight Cisgender White Man Guaranteed Presidential Election Win

“We have elected many different white men to be President, but never before have we dwindled down such a diverse group of ambitious and qualified candidates down to one single straight white male candidate to face another straight white male candidate from the opposing party,” said Tom Perez, the chair of the Democratic National Committee.

White Gay Teen Comes Out To Avoid Being Elected Senator of South Carolina
  • November 3, 2020November 3, 2020
  • Ryan Leach

White Gay Teen Comes Out To Avoid Being Elected Senator of South Carolina

To make matters worse, remaining in the closet leaves the door open to depression, low self esteem, and potentially becoming a beloved Republican Senator for multiple terms in the United States Senate. Indeed, it seems impossible for any openly gay person to win in South Carolina, a fact not lost on Adam Miller, a newly gay 18 year old resident of Greenville.

‘I Want A President Who Believes In Science,’ Reports A Total Leo
  • November 3, 2020November 3, 2020
  • Rusty Epstein

‘I Want A President Who Believes In Science,’ Reports A Total Leo

Whether it’s climate change, reproductive rights, or public health, we’ve let greedy politicians ignore the recommendations of the scientific community for far too long. That’s why I, an absolute Leo, Cancer Rising (Virgo Moon) firmly believe we need a president who believes in science.

Lesbian Musters Same Enthusiasm For Biden/Harris As For 8th Grade Boyfriend
  • October 8, 2020October 8, 2020
  • Loie Plautz

Lesbian Musters Same Enthusiasm For Biden/Harris As For 8th Grade Boyfriend

With the Presidential Election quickly approaching, one local lesbian, Jan Barson, will be voting for the Democratic Presidential ticket with the same enthusiasm she feigned for her eighth-grade beard. Barson explained her choice: “Now, just like in eighth grade, I know it’s my only option so I’m going to just bite the bullet.”

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