Parton, a homosexual icon, is known for her iconic blonde beehive, but after a lifetime of bleaching, Dolly has spent recent years donning platinum wigs so high you’d think she was starring in a Bump-its infomercial. Fans were stunned when, during a return-to-the-stage New Years performance at Dollywood to promote vaccine boosters, Parton removed her wig to reveal another, smaller Dolly Parton.
After the sudden, months-long tightening that bottoms experienced this spring, they are cautiously preparing to begin multi-phase reopening plans.
Upon waking, gay men reported feelings of both self-worth and compassion still at levels consitent with well adjusted people. Then everything plummets.
A team of John Hopkins medical researchers brought in a group of lesbians to discuss the orgasm gap—the phenomenon of heterosexual men orgasming 95% of the time compared to heterosexual women’s 65%. However, the participants not only failed to understand the concept, but kept getting distracted by their own climaxing.
With new advancements in filth-detecting technology, this recent research scrounged 500 household bathrooms. Every time the most depraved, disgusting, hard-to-reach cranny was YOUR entire cerebrum, perv!