New Lesbian Film Reportedly Doesn’t Start With A Woman Engaged To A Man

LOS GATOS, CA—Netflix has shocked lesbian viewers and the queer community at large with the release of a groundbreaking lesbian film. Sources indicate this must-see flick does not begin with a long-haired, soft butch woman disrupting a straight woman’s engagement to a man. Writer/Director Scott Daniel Smith reportedly interviewed many real-life lesbians and made the revolutionary choice to open with the women already being total dykes.


“It was difficult, but I took a risk and started the movie without the women discussing a man,” Smith stated in an interview. “Without either character grappling with their sexuality and/or attraction to men, I had to get creative and endow them with personality traits, depth, and even flaws.”


Lesbians across the country have expressed that they kind of enjoyed the movie. “I was completely stunned when the women actually kissed twelve minutes in,” says Riley Fox in her Tumblr review of the film. “Normally we’d have to wait until the end, but these women kissed multiple times and it almost appeared as though they didn’t care if a man was watching or not.”


Smith was praised for including sex scenes that were not only realistic, but also not overly-sexualized. Lesbian viewers were shocked and impressed, remarking that it appeared as if the director had done his research and even talked to lesbians about their real sexual experiences.


A representative from Delta Airlines said that the sex scenes were so normal that they didn’t even have to cut them out of the in-flight version of the film.


“I was absolutely stunned to see that lesbian sex is actually very similar to the straight sex I’m comfortable seeing on my screen,” said heterosexual viewer Carol Hanson. “Even my cousin Jake was cool about it and he’s been asking how lesbian sex works for years.”


In a bold twist, both women survive the entirety of the film. Oberlin soccer player, Megan Fitzgerald says, “My girlfriend and I were in complete shock when the credits rolled and not one lesbian character had been killed off.”


Some critics within the lesbian community say the movie still has no point, relatively no plot, and the main characters didn’t even have anything interesting to say. Viewer Tina Thompson says, “The movie was honestly fine. Not good. Not bad. But the best we’ve got, so I’ve already seen it 14 times and bought it on iTunes, Amazon, and YouTube to support sales.”


Overall, the film was a success for Netflix and viewers were reportedly willing to overlook that both lesbians were played by Timothée Chalamet. 

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