‘I Want A President Who Believes In Science,’ Reports A Total Leo

NEW ORLEANS, LA— Whether it’s climate change, reproductive rights, or public health, we’ve let greedy politicians ignore the recommendations of the scientific community for far too long. That’s why I, an absolute Leo, Cancer Rising (Virgo Moon) firmly believe we need a president who believes in science.


Doctors, climatologists, astrologers—these are the voices we need advising our elected officials in Washington. Doctors are helping us rebuild after the devastating pandemic, climatologists are protecting our planet from further destruction, and astrologers are dictating when to avoid confrontations in our personal relationships and focus on making plans.


Let’s face it, guys: sea levels are rising, and we’re facing an unprecedented global pandemic. If the person we elect president this November doesn’t heed the advice of scientists, it will be too late for our planet. Thankfully we still have a little time left, as my horoscopist Raine informed me this morning.


“Mercury has returned home to Libra, allowing you time to center yourself,” according to Raine. “But with Capricorn fast approaching, it’s not long before things get rocky again.”


We’re way past the time of trying to appease those who believe in conspiracy theories or religious mumbo-jumbo. What we need now is an informed, wise Pisces in the Oval Office, who doesn’t think science is a hoax—or our planet may not survive. Think I’m being overdramatic? Well, I am a Leo after all!

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