Forced To Stay Home, Lesbians Start Building Nests

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—As the coronavirus pandemic forces people across the world to stay home, many quarantined lesbians have turned their attention toward nesting. “I think this needs more houseplants,” lesbian Cara Martin said while putting down a bed of twigs in her living room. 


Martin said that at first, she got really into whittling. Then it was watching woodworking videos on YouTube. The next thing she knew, she was at the park seeking out sturdy twigs and branches of approximately one inch in diameter.


When asked about her plans for the nest, Martin said that if she can’t find enough branches to construct her nest, her backup plan is to collect mud and animal feces and pile it into a dome shape on a tree branch. “It’s like roller skating,” said Martin. “It sounds hard, but it’s so fun, and pretty much anyone can do it.”


Nadia White, another quarantining queer woman, told reporters she was excited to begin layering branches and sticks in a triangular pattern in a tree ranging 50-125 feet off the ground. “If we can get the nest big enough, my girlfriend and I might finally be able to hatch an egg together,” said White. “We’ve only been together since the start of the spring mating season, but we’re bored of staying inside. Plus, honestly, a fresh hatchling would be soooo cute!”

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