Weaving macramé has kept me distracted from the fact that, like a good citizen who cares about the well-being of others, I haven’t been fucked in six months.
During these uncertain times, the only thing sexier than having a secret stash of toilet paper, is having a healthcare plan adequate enough to cover hospital visits and acne topicals.
In a movement akin to when white gays invented voguing, straight America has fallen tush-over-toes for the bidet as their go-to toilet paper alternative.
“I love working out now. I don’t mind that it’s 40 minutes away. Wonderful facility,” he said with a strained smiled to concerned friends.