To Moms All Over The World,
As many of you may have heard, this week, 17 year old JoJo Siwa came out as a gay person on TikTok. My innocent daughter, like many of your innocent daughters, has dozens of JoJo Siwa bows, toys, and clothes in her room.
She also has the absolutely gorgeous rainbow JoJo Siwa bedding set from Target. And I am going to continue to let her sleep under it.
I know what you’re thinking… “REALLY?! You’re letting your kid sleep under a flaming queer sparkling satanic sodomy sack? Under GAY RAINBOW bedding?!?”
Yes. Because my child’s bedding is not gay-rainbow, it is heterosexual-rainbow.
When the JoJo Siwa rainbow bedding enters your home, it becomes YOUR property. If your home is a blessed, heterosexual one? Then your property is a heterosexual. And JoJo has no control over your lawfully owned property.
Gay rainbows are slutty, loud, and TOO MUCH! Cis-het kid rainbows are beautiful, whimsical, and awe-inspiring. JoJo Siwa might be gay, but my child’s Rainbow JoJo Siwa bedding is the STRAIGHT kind of rainbow.
When I look at my straight daughter underneath her straight rainbow bedding, I feel nothing but peace and joy. If the bedding was gay, I would be unsettled, enraged, and having a heart attack.
If I was having a heart attack, I would not be able to write this right now. But my heart is working fine. In fact, I feel a certain power that only a heterosexual parent with a heterosexual child who has het-rainbow bedding can feel.
We must separate the merchandise from the merchandiser. The art from the artist. The straight rainbow bedding from the gay rainbow girl.
My child’s Rainbow JoJo Siwa bedding is straight. And your child’s Rainbow JoJo Siwa bedding is too.