How To Remind Your Dyke Girlfriend That She Is A White Woman

She wears backwards hats, chains, and has a slit in her eyebrow, but she is from Greenwich Connecticut. Her dad is a white man who works for Morgan Stanley. Her mother is a white woman from Seattle who hasn’t called the cops on a black person but has considered it. 

 

She bites her lip, raps, says “aight,” and snarls on TikTok. She is not a stud (because she’s not black or Latinx) but she is constantly using the studlyfe hashtag. Here are 5 ways you can remind your girlfriend that her dykehood exists behind a massive wall of white privilege:

 

1. Send her a cute morning text! Say something like: “you’re the cheese to my macaroni <3 <3 (white cheese, because you are white). 

 

2. When she comes back from the gym, let her know how much you love that she works out. Then tell her that she needs to work out the fact that she is not black and therefore needs to stop calling herself a “stud.”

 

3. Take her on a trip! Get in her brand new white Jeep Wrangler and drive outside of Greenwich, Connecticut. Find a different neighborhood where stud actually culture started so a real stud can hold up a mirror to reflect your dyke girlfriend’s lily white face.

 

4. Get her a sweet, thoughtful card that says, “Words can’t describe how much I love you, but words can describe that you are a white woman.”

 

5. When she hugs you, say “I feel so safe with your arms around me. Just like you are statistically way more safe than most people when you walk down the streets in the United States of America because you are Caucasian.” 

 

6. Write her a poem, we suggest: Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, You’re For Sure Gonna Take Off That Oversized “Gansta” t-shirt before you get to your father’s cabin this weekend, aren’t you?

 

If she keeps appropriating, leave her. Lesbians love projects, but this one isn’t worth it. Even if she has viral TikTok fame and a trust fund.  You can find another butch who likes the Dixie Chicks but can also make you cum.

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