Sometimes building back better means building back never, and that’s exactly what the Biden Administration decided to do with the country’s improv theaters. Given a once in a generation opportunity to rethink the role of “zip zap zop” in society, the new Administration has taken radical, decisive action on a new path forward.
“We have elected many different white men to be President, but never before have we dwindled down such a diverse group of ambitious and qualified candidates down to one single straight white male candidate to face another straight white male candidate from the opposing party,” said Tom Perez, the chair of the Democratic National Committee.
With the Presidential Election quickly approaching, one local lesbian, Jan Barson, will be voting for the Democratic Presidential ticket with the same enthusiasm she feigned for her eighth-grade beard. Barson explained her choice: “Now, just like in eighth grade, I know it’s my only option so I’m going to just bite the bullet.”
Of course, condom use would have been the best prevention.
“I’ve experienced a lifetime of unwanted touching at gay bars,” said patron James Tulliver. “But when the former vice president walked in, this was truly no longer a safe space.”