While other brands were working to expand their shade ranges into boring non-gay colors like “brown” or “dark brown,” Skyn Stix spent six months working with top cosmetic chemists perfecting the formulations for the first gay rainbow foundation shades on the market!
It’s just not fair! You’re walking through Murray Hill when all of a sudden, BAM, some Finance Bro walks out of Starbucks with a fatty. Or maybe you’re picnicking in Prospect Park when all of a sudden, a frisbee lands near you. The man that picks up the frisbee is obnoxious…but the ass that walks away…Either Chad is thicc because he shops at Rhone or he played soccer in high school.
Sources report that AP English teacher Annie Branch has really been laying into all the Christ-like imagery in “The Great Gatsby” while conveniently staying far, far away from all that gay stuff.
“Nick doesn’t like Jordan because she’s shallow,” lectured Ms. Branch, not going anywhere near the idea that Nick doesn’t like Jordan because he likes Gatsby. “Simple as that.”
Jared Jones opened Twitter at approximately 2:30PM this afternoon and was excited to see #Asians was trending. Unfortunately, due to his Pavlovian response to the mention of anything Asian, Jared was already engorged before he saw that the trending topic was due to Anti-Asian violence.
Despite the bisexual community’s increasing acceptance into the LGBTQ+ populace, sources have confirmed that – God fucking damnit – the Tarnoczian dictator Oswyn Romahai has come out as bisexual this week.