Every year, all the heteros REALLY want for Christmas is for Mariah to sing that one fucking song. Mimi, welcome back into the arms of those who truly love understand you, the elusive chanteuse, the skinniest legend.
Granddaughter Robin Claghorn admits that every year she puts off this goal in hopes that “grandma will kick it before I have to tell her I’m queer. But every year she gets stronger and I get gayer.”
“I love working out now. I don’t mind that it’s 40 minutes away. Wonderful facility,” he said with a strained smiled to concerned friends.
“It’s just so complicated,” remarked local father, Jonathan Coates, who understands what such terms as “ADP” and “walk-to-strikeout rate” mean. “Like, ‘they’ is singular now? It just doesn’t seem right. Anyway, some jackass just swiped one of my players. Who do they think they are?”
Kyle was happy to hear Jason was doing well. “I rejected him because of his haircut,” Kyle reminisced. “And he’s happy now and that’s great, and it’s not my fault that I don’t have a boyfriend.”