Local auditor Noreen Greene is disowning her Kansas City Sun for being gay.
Last Monday, after chowing down on some Chik-Fil-A, burning a rainbow flag, and donating to 4 different conversion therapy organizations, Greene looked up at the sky, shielded her eyes, and screamed: too much! I’ve had enough!
“It’s just glaring,” Greene exclaimed, “No sun of mine is allowed to be that flaming!”
Greene will begin filing for disownment this week, signing documents that, among many things, will ensure that The Sun will not be present at any family events, birthday parties, or weddings.
Many of the Greene’s family and friends are confused as to why Mrs. Greene is disowning The Sun.
“He’s like so hot, and like, the biggest, brightest star, ” says Jessica MckOrney, the Greenes’ next door neighbor.
“I think Norma is just jealous that the world doesn’t revolve around her,” another neighbor added.
Throughout the proceedings, The Kansas City Sun has continued to shine, silent and strong, seemingly unfazed by the Greenes’ recent course of action.
After a bit of prodding, Mrs. Greene’s husband, Frank, chimed in with a, well, frank statement: “People get so excited every time our Sun comes out. But not us.”
He wishes their Sun could be more like its sister, The Moon– because at least with her, everything’s a phase.