Wow! Just one day on the Lex queer dating app and you and your girlfriend have found a hot third for your Valentine’s Day! Bridgytte is a sexy bisexual from Melbourne, loves Kabbalah, is popping through New York on her way to her seventh Burning Man, and still can’t get over that it’s cold in February.
Here are some sexy V-Day ideas the three of you can enjoy before Bridgytte heads West with a pair of Czech contortionists in a VW van.
1. Central Park Picnic
Yes, it’s February, but remember, Bridgytte is from ‘Strallya and associates February with summertime things like surfing, dropping acid on a fishing boat, and—yes—picnics! Bring a waterproof tarp to sit on, a 6-pack of tinnies (A.K.A. beers), and an extra coat for Bridgytte, who’s traveling with several hula hoops and didn’t have space for extra clothes.
2. An Actual Aussie Café
She may be visiting your city, but why not turn the tables and let Bridgytte show you how to properly devour avo toast? She’ll delight you and your girlfriend by naming everything you point to in her adorable accent, and you’ll both delight her by quietly vomiting into your napkins after tasting Vegemite!
3. The Czech Contortionists’ Rooftop
Turns out the contortionists also met Bridgytte on Lex, and their Bushwick rooftop is ideal for a cozy V-Day gathering. With tinnies and ciggys from the bottle-o, the vibes will be peaking, especially after Eliška finds some molly hidden in her ukulele. Good on ya! Her uke tunes will be perfect for your intimate throuples dance beneath the Aquarius moon.
4. The Museum of Sex
Too obvious? Never! Aussies are known for honesty. When they say something, they mean it, which is why 99% of their slang is just a cute shortened version of the original word. Bridgytte’s response to your Lex post was the unmistakable “Defo would love to explore both your nudey bods!” Make the obvious choice and head to NYC’s most stimulating museum! Catch some early 20th century porn, browse for edible underwear, and defo set the mood for later with some three-way jumping in the bouncy castle of breasts!
5. Your Girlfriend’s Parents’ Place in Morningside
Emily’s parents just got back from a cruise around Oceania, so they’d love to meet your new “friend”! It took Hank several years to call you Emily’s girlfriend, so we’ll just give him a pass on this one. After Diane serves up a traditional Australian meat pie, Bridgytte might even guide you all through some pranayama breathwork. By the time you’re putting on your coats, Hank will be on Craigslist looking for Burning Man tickets! Good on ya!
Wherever you choose to spend your V Day, remember that what matters is that you found each other. It may only be until Sunday—or Monday since it turns out the VW van is missing several wheels—but for right now, you, your girlfriend, and Bridgytte have found a little corner of joy. You’re about to go home and tie a dildo to a double-sided dildo to make a triple-sided dildo—Bridgytte’s idea! Life is good. Thank you, Lex!