Lady Gaga clinched the all important ‘will support anything gay’ vote this Super Tuesday. She easily filled the gaping hole left by Pete Buttigieg’s sudden exit with her new platform of dancing in neon jumpsuits in the desert.
In the wake of the Pete 2020 campaign suspension and endorsement of Biden, more skeletons are being dragged out of the closet. Long before his nights fundraising in wine caves, alleged military man Pete Buttigieg was pouring wine at a four-star establishment in the Afghan capital of Kabul.
“While this lie of omission is disturbing, to be a gay serviceman in the restaurant industry is still putting your life on the line for God and country in similar sense,” said one South Bend resident and now-former Pete 2020 field organizer.
As his campaign finishes pulling out of the Democratic Presidential primaries, more light is being shed on factors that would have contributed to Mayor Pete’s decision to suspend his candidacy.
He may have dropped out of the Democratic primary race, but we stan a trailblazer! Move aside, Marsha P. Johnson! Our maybe-next-time future gay president’s contributions to his global community includes taking a stand against the Man—the Man being a father of three who didn’t want any part of the war.
“It will be remarkably unsurprising if in the next few months we see him invest his time and money into thinks like reckless space exploration, carnivorous nanobots, or shrink rays,” said CNN political analyst Hannah Oringer.