“I don’t know how people can believe cell towers caused the pandemic when it was obviously Mercury in retrograde,” posits self-employed moods curator Daniel Parsons. “Has the world gone insane?”
A team of John Hopkins medical researchers brought in a group of lesbians to discuss the orgasm gap—the phenomenon of heterosexual men orgasming 95% of the time compared to heterosexual women’s 65%. However, the participants not only failed to understand the concept, but kept getting distracted by their own climaxing.
It’s quarantine, y’all. So many of us are trapped inside and doing a lot of looking out the window for entertainment, but queer women have always seemed to add a signature move when it comes to gazing out of that sweet, shiny glass: yearning. It could be for a lover of the past that you never got to caress, a lover of the present that you might never get to caress again, or a future lover that you might never get to caress at all. Here are 5 windows (and a few bonuses) that are decidedly the best for gazing out of and yearning:
“I get that we have to do our due diligence to practice social distancing and blah blah blah,” said Yayland. “But at what cost?”
The 20-year-old says TikTok will allow him to “completely reinvent [his] online persona,” and plans to upload ample shirtless videos of himself dancing to songs by Lana Del Ray or Doja Cat. “I’m so excited to show the world the new me!”