New Lesbian In Town Somehow Already Dating My Ex?

CHICAGO, IL— Elizabeth Terry may be new in town, but she’s already making a name for herself. And apparently, that name is “my ex Loren’s new girlfriend.” That’s right, just six short weeks after our breakup, my former partner Loren has met the love of her life.


At the time of this reporting, Elizabeth “Beth” Terry has been a resident of our fair city for less than a month. She relocated “for work” and will start teaching ceramics at the local community college next semester. 


Terry has wasted no time settling in. and it’s unclear exactly when and where the two met. Close friends of Loren quote her as saying “it feels like we’ve known each other for our whole lives,” which is HILARIOUS from a woman who didn’t say she loved me for the first eighteen months of our relationship.


“You could tell that she’s definitely unpacked a U-Haul before,” said her new neighbors Lance and Bruce McCord. “We’re thrilled to welcome her and her three-legged rescue golden retriever Oliver to the ‘gayborhood!’ She’s coming over later to re-grout our tub and drink rose’.”


Loren, who was “too busy for a relationship” and “needed some space” just a few weeks ago, could not be reached for comment. But why would she be available? She was never available. 

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