The 11 New Pokemon That We All Totally Agree We Want To Fuck

The new Pokemon is out, and so are we! We all want to fuck Pokemon! Right!? We all do. We all feel this way! That’s why this content is popular—we’re all perverts. So we combed the Pokemon Sword and Shield Galar Region Pokedex for the sweetest treats. Get your licks—and not from Meowth this time.

Don’t act like you aren’t into this. Here are all the new Pokemon each and every one of us would fuck!


1. Galarian Weezing

Two balls, a mustache, a top hat, AND it’s a toxic fairy? Um sploosh! Is this Brooklyn? Blow your cigarillo smoke on me and complain about improv practice, zaddy! Crazy that we all want to fuck this Pokemon.

2. Sirfetch’d

Who knew a leek could make me leak? It’s cut and so is fetching Sirfetch’d. Show me what that duckbill do. Again, it’s okay that we all want to sleep with this imaginary bird.


3. Impidimp

Fingers like a Rabbit™ sex toy, tongue like a wet wipe. They shoulda named this guy Fourplay cause he can foreplay four ways. If you want to stick this little guy in your ass, that’s fine because a lot of people feel that way!


4. Galarian Ponyta

Wig, literally. Who doesn’t love a little horse play with their kaikai? Kick me in the stomach mama! Horses are sexy in real life so this is fine.

5. Morpeko

A pillow princess who turns into a dom top when she’s hungry? Hashtag relatable. Get this mistress a cheese wheel. It’s okay to fuck a mouse when it’s imbued with human like emotions in a fictional world!

6. Mr. Rime

Write me a poem, zather. This Tennyson-looking gentleman with a Gallagher haircut can pulverize this fruit. Psychic type Pokemon are basically people so this is A-Okay!

7. Alcremie

She’ll put a spell on you. I cream, you cream, we all cream for Alcremie! And that’s proper behavior because this Pokemon is literally a cum puddle.

8. Runerigus

It’s stones. Stones are hard. Penis. Sometimes things that are just haunted rocks can get you off.

9. Thicc Gigamax Pikachu


Reclaim that body ma’am, she’s curves she’s thunder she can get down under honey!!!! Everyone in that stadium is begging to get zapped in the gonads, so it’s okay to feel that way too!

10. Yamper

I wanna pamper this pupper and get that nutter. Fetch! Cum! This is okay because it’s not real!

11. Longcat Gigamax Meowth

That isn’t all that’s long! Come through Meowth! We were shading you earlier but now we stan corrected. Cat penises are barbed, as we all know. But hopefully Meoth’s is, mama! Once again, you can want to fuck Meowth.


And that’s it! No other Pokemon from this gen are hot. Just these 11 are incredibly sexy, which is fine to say because we all feel this way. Go grab your Pokeballs and catch something!

 

List, Out & Proud, Sex & Dating