A cacophony of “girllll, trust meee”’s ripped through the air last week as your white Gay friend Matt gave advice to every living being inhabiting the sidewalks and streets of West Hollywood.
Despite the fact that Matt was clearly drunk and having one of his “moments”, many of the aforementioned girls have started to heed his suggestions. The results have been predictably and obviously? Disastrous.
Here are some organizations that have launched initiatives to help:
1.Call the Trevor Told You To Get Bangs Project
Every five minutes, an innocent unsuspecting woman gets bangs because a gay man told her to do so with the confidence of a 7 nation army. The Trevor Told You To Get Bangs Project was founded to help people like Madison, a young gal who your friend Matt told to “get bangs and get banged” the other night. Call their hotline at 1-800-ohnomyfaceshapeisntrightforthis for 24/7 counseling.
2.Donate to NUUDES
You watched Matt tell Jessica to “own her truth”. You floundered awkwardly as he slurred: “Babe, you only live once, you need to love yourself, I was living a lie and now I’m free… and THAT’S why you should just post your nudes to main”.
Jessica followed that advice and consequently got fired from her job despite the fact that her boss has shirtless pics all over his IG page. Simply put? You’re complicit, babe. And that’s why you gotta donate to NUUDES. They help people like Jessica get back on their feet.
3.Volunteer at the It Could Get Better But It Often Actually Gets Way Worse Foundation
This one you saw coming from a mile away. Matt ran up to a little Lesbian on the street and told her that “with a little makeup, glam-up, femme-up, chic-as-hell, reallll Woman makeover, she could get every girl she ever wanted.”
This, of course, led the the little Lesbian having a full-blown breakdown for the rest of the week where she questioned everything about her womanhood and butch identity. She tried to put eyeliner on and stabbed herself in the cornea.
Luckily she was already crying, so the tears just melted into one another. Anyway, volunteer at the ICGBBIOGW Foundation to make up for watching that all go down. Bring Matt. They teach lesbians kids that, “yeah, you’re probably gonna cry a lot.”
4.Promote The Remember Women Are Women Initiative
Matt pulled out Grindr and started listing off all the people he’s slept with. “Just show up at these guys’ houses and go to town! Walk there alone in the dark! Or take the train there by yourself! You deservvve it, bitches!” he screamed to Sarah, Monica, Mariah, Mistie, Laurel, Yvette, and Jan.
“I feel like if a woman did that, she could be like… murdered, right?” Mariah remarked.
“Baby we could ALL be murdered,” Matt cried out, “we were BORN this WAY!”
Matt has a point. We could all be murdered. But women have a statistically higher chance of being physically harmed while traveling alone or using dating apps– trans women even moreso. Promote The Remember Women Are Women on social to remind the people in your life that gender inequality exists. Tag Matt.
Thank you for taking the time to research some excellent causes that can help you, your friends, and? Even Matt! Next time your friend starts giving relationship advice, haircare advice, or unsolicited advice on anal, you know your resources.