Non-Binary Person Reveals Gender By Blowing Tits Off

Inspired by explosive gender reveals that have led to wildfires destroying the West coast, Jay Waverly, a 24-year-old non-binary person, decided to reveal their own gender to friends and family with a bang–that’s right, two sticks of dynamite right to the chest! 


Waverly invited friends and family to an empty field, where they explained that detonating the device would reveal their true gender. Waverly explained their choice for a big reveal: “I was really nervous about how people would react… my friends, my family, the fire captain, but I couldn’t keep it bottled up anymore. Also, I hate my tits.”


Once the blast had gone off, grey smoke–not blue or pink–signaled their lack of binary gender, but it also left guests rushing their newly-out non-binary friend to the hospital. In the ambulance, Waverly’s friends popped a bottle of celebratory champagne and congratulated their semi-conscious friend for their bravery. Reportedly, Waverly’s parents still don’t really “get it.”


Thankfully, firefighters were able to quickly subdue the blaze from the explosion. Authorities reported two fatalities: neither tit survived. No other injuries or serious structural damage were reported. Because of the risk of wildfires, the fire captain took to the press to implore citizens to stop the explosive gender reveals, even if they “challenge biological-essentialist notions of gender.”


Recovering in the hospital, Waverly stated, “this was really a ‘two tits, one military-grade explosive’ situation.” Prior to the pyrotechnic explosion, they had been struggling to schedule a date for top surgery with a doctor covered by their insurance. The physician attending to Waverly explained, “though I would not professionally recommend it, a dynamite gender reveal ended up being cheaper and simpler in this scenario.”


Blamo Explosives, the company that produced the device used for Waverly’s gender reveal, is already in talks to become a major Pride sponsor for 2021. 


Awf Topic, Body & Self-Care, Bops, Highlight, Huge News, Thriving