LOS ANGELES, CA— After working tirelessly for two seasons, the butts of HBO’s The White Lotus have voted to unionize! The naked asses have signed a petition and are waiting on the Nation Labor Relations Board to conduct an election in the coming month.
“We are a pivotal part of the show,” says The Famous Ass That Got Eaten In Season One, “and deserve to be properly compensated.”
“I can’t do another close-up until I get the recognition I deserve,” says Albie’s Barenaked Booty, one of the scene-stealing stars of Season Two.
“I was onscreen for soooo long this season. They even made me get a tattoo,” says The Butt Of The Hot Nephew Of The Rich Gay Guy who’s been featured constantly this season, clothed and unclothed.
In their petition, the butts have recounted the long, hard hours they work onset, for zero pay and with no pants-break. While their human actor counterparts receive thousands per episode, they show up in every-other-frame, for free. They also cited the long history of exploited butt labor in shows like Bridgerton, Euphoria, Oz, and more. They hope to be trailblazers for other butts to come.
“We’re proud of what we do and honored to be included in such a fantastic series, we just want the respect we deserve!” says Lucia’s Butt. “We should be able to be considered for Emmys, Oscars, Golden Globes – and compete in the same categories as actors! We’re just as talented and hardworking!”
At the end of the day, the butts identify as storytellers, and are honored to work in an industry that champions butt-stories, but not at the expense of their wellness and rights.
“Our butthood needs to be respected – simple as that,” says Albie’s Barenaked Booty.
Sources will update this story in the upcoming months as the NLRB election results are announced.
