CLEVELAND, OH— It’s that special time of year again—public radio pledge drive season! Lesbians everywhere are anxiously awaiting the opportunity to renew their support for their favorite talk radio station. But it’s not just the unbiased news and insightful programming they’re looking for. What they’re really after is the promotional canvas tote bag, which is ideal for carrying a strap-on to their girlfriends’ houses.
The bag measures 20 inches square and has two reinforced fabric handles. It’s perfect for library books, trips to the farmers’ market, or stowing any of the day’s essentials. However, NPR estimates that 90% of the tote bags will be used for one very specific, sapphic purpose.
“Before I became a sustaining member of my local public radio station, I was carrying my strap from my car to my girlfriend’s apartment like a peasant child clutching a stolen baguette,” recalls Trisha Sanders, a long-time listener to WFYI 90.1, Cleveland’s public radio outlet. “I leave the radio on all day while I’m at work so my cats don’t get lonely, so I figured I owed the station some money. Plus, this canvas bag is the perfect size to hold my rubber dong.”
Radio stations often award donors with household items emblazoned with their logo, both as a gesture of gratitude for new and upgrading members and a source of word-of-mouth advertising. The gifts range from coffee mugs to umbrellas, but the most popular item remains the canvas tote bag.
“Lesbians make up about 60% of our listener base,” stated Paul Witherspoon, Director of Public Relations for WKQR, “so it’s important that we keep them happy since no one really listens to the radio anymore.”
Some stations tried replacing the tote bag with another gift to devastating results. Three years ago, 89.9 WKQR in Boise, Idaho attempted giving away a lunch box instead. The station was bombarded by dozens of angry women in Birkenstocks demanding the tote bag return next year. Many felt betrayed, lamenting that there was no possible way their sex toys could fit inside a lunch box. Others were worried about mixing up their dildos with food items like bananas, cucumbers, or submarine sandwiches.
Tote bag enthusiasts hope that using this season’s public radio pledge drive gift sends an unspoken message to potential lovers: that they’re community minded, thoughtful, and DTF.
