While many feel remote learning is the safest option during the pandemic, experts say this could cause drastic developmental losses for younger children. Even a few more months at home could lead to decreased language development, stunted emotional skills, and for gay kids, self-acceptance.
As the U.S. continues to bungle its COVID-19 crisis, Satan, the Lord of Darkness, announced a moratorium on American souls entering Hell. “Out of an abundance of caution,” Beelzebub told reporters, “we simply cannot welcome people into eternal damnation who aren’t taking this thing seriously.”
With colleges making the change to an online environment this fall, many incoming closeted freshmen are concerned about this roadblock on their path to sexual discovery. This shift to virtual learning will be a huge blow for freshmen who, lacking in-person instruction, will be forced to wait another year until they find out if they actually enjoy kissing.
An anonymous suburban man and lifetime member of the closeted male support group called Compulsory Heterosexual Unloving Marriages (CHUMs for short), recently went public with his tragic experience during the Coronavirus pandemic—being forced to spend all of his time with his adoring wife and children.