Alex Colman, a current resident of Astoria, NY and hillbilly by descent, reminisces: “I’m really going to miss having my mom’s mechanic spit in my mouth by the dumpster behind the bank this Christmas.” It had become one of Colman’s favorite holiday traditions–right up there with Grandma’s pumpkin rolls.
As dawn broke on Thursday morning, Amelia Buckley’s ass got railed by a Tinder match. And for eight miraculous nights afterward, her hole burned. “My partner had just broken up with me,” explained the still aching 24-year-old. “It was a total rebound. We got back to her place and… let’s just say we rededicated the temple.”
This year has been an especially lonely one and it’s felt even more during the holidays. Some are missing physical touch and longing for the warm embrace of a loved one, while others just want an 8-foot tall goat-horned Christmas demon to plow them into yesteryear.
Elizabeth Terry may be new in town, but she’s already making a name for herself. And apparently, that name is “my ex Loren’s new girlfriend.” That’s right, just six short weeks after our breakup, my former partner Loren has met the love of her life.
Eric Casso, a Proud Boy, and Danny Smith, an Instagay, took to social media earlier this week to announce to their #ProudBoy family, and the white gays who thirst after them, that they are officially off the market. Crediting the safe space of the Proud Boys community, they have entered a manly and testosterone-fueled relationship.