Lesbian pharmaceutical patent attorney Martha Vayland had her heart set on her kitchen remodeling, specifically the marble top island that would have served as the room’s focal point. Unfortunately, the coronavirus put an enormous strain on the global economy and the physical well-being of every citizen around the world. As a result Vayland was forced to put her island on hold “for the time being.”
“I get that we have to do our due diligence to practice social distancing and blah blah blah,” said Vayland. “But at what cost?”
“Are American taxpayers just supposed to stop the construction of a gorgeous, white and grey $14,000 marble top kitchen island with a gloss finish?” said Vayland as a singe tear rolled down her cheek.
At time of publication, Vayland made 29 phone calls to her contractor, Rob Dobbins, trying to entice him to make a special exception to his precautionary suspension of all projects.
Additionally, sources across the street from Vayland report that she even went so far as to attempt to recruit local postal workers who, according to Vayland, “look like they could do construction.”
The wealthy lawyer will have to wait for the curve to plateau before she gets her own flat surface.
