This sourdough is warm, tangy, and a little crusty! It’s a fine stand-in for cunnilingus given the current circumstances!
Hey, we’ve all been there. It takes a few rounds of crushing on unavailable women and having your heart broken before realizing the toxic pattern you’ve put yourself in and just loving yourself instead. You might think that you started loving yourself after your first mistake, but in reality, it took exactly five. No more, no less. Here are five very straight girls to have big fat crushes on before really realizing it was time for some basic self love.
In a press conference yesterday, South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham shared a striking revelation: “God visited me in a dream and told me that as punishment for the homosexuals’ sins, He will torture them mercilessly with virtual Pride celebrations held over Zoom throughout the entire summer.”
Upon waking, gay men reported feelings of both self-worth and compassion still at levels consitent with well adjusted people. Then everything plummets.
“It has been a waking nightmare,” shared VH1 executive Konnor Prancely. “I cannot believe Sherry Pie or Joey Gugliemelli or whoever has done this to me!”