Brooklyn, NY—A man has been admitted to a nearby hospital for an acute case of Drag Race Exhaustion. Friends and family reached for comment were stunned at the news, since half of them don’t know the show and the other half could have sworn it was on hiatus.
Taylor Fletcher, 23, has been a fan of the show since season 4, when there were fewer than a baker’s dozen contestants and none of them were re-added to the show halfway through. In the beginning, a season of Drag Race was manageable and not life-threatening for most casual viewers.
At this stage, however, the time requirements alone can be onerous: not only watching each episode, but also watching Untucked and refreshing Twitter trending topics and searching for rants posted to Insta-Story and streaming the eliminated queen’s music to help boost her career and rewatching the episode now that you’re not in a crowded bar and trawling Reddit for gossip and reading several different yet similar recaps and explaining the latest drama to your straight-as-hell coworkers.
Doctors were initially puzzled by Fletcher’s case. The pieces came together when his phone was found; a lock screen notification showed targeted news that Drag Race would be expanding to New Zealand for an 8 episode arc. That news alert explained the seemingly random symptoms: blurred vision, sore texting thumb, dehydration, and burst eardrums.
“In truth, it’s surprising that the exhaustion isn’t spreading faster,” explained specialist Dante Miller. “The sheer volume of music videos and full-length albums alone has strained schedules across the world.” There is thought to be some relation between the acute onslaught of Drag Race content and the fact that most fans are now under the age of 16. “Who else but teenagers with no jobs could process 8-10 seasons of one single television universe per year?” said Dr. Miller.
Doctors for Fletcher believe that, with time and rest, he will make a full recovery. “Part of his rehabilitation plan will have to include an arduous disconnect from the Internet,” said assigned specialist Dr. Melissa Ramirez. “His malaise will not be helped by the daily announcements of new seasons.”
The recent reveals of a ‘first eliminated queens’ season, a ‘winners’ season, a ‘celebrity’ season, and a ‘first cousins of people who dragged in college once’ season could set Fletcher back weeks.
