So, you’ve been talking to this person, and you think it’s going well, but–why are they so into you? Is this a real person or is this just another corporation?
1. You first came across each other on…
A. OKCupid
B. LinkedIn
2. On your first date you…
A. Got a vodka soda with a splash of cran and lightly grazed each other’s fingers across the table
B. Were asked questions that grouped you into the 18-24 or 25-34 year-old age range
3. The thing you love the most about them is…
A. Their little fruit earrings or all 38 of their tote bags
B. They seem to know what you’re thinking before you do
4. You’d say their pet peeve is…
A. Slow walkers or videos without closed captioning
B. Raising the minimum wage
5. You’re not monogamous yet because…
A. We’ve only slept together twelve times
B. They keep mentioning other ‘shareholders’
If you got…
Mostly A’s: Take a deep breath, because they’re real. They can breathe, love, and drunk FaceTime you. So congrats! You’ll probably break up with them over another flaw anyway.
Mostly B’s: It might be time to leave your union with them and go join a real one, because they’re a corporation. Sorry it had to be this way, but babe? They’re not the one, even if the law says they have rights. Just make sure if you guys breakup, let them do it; that way you might get severance.
