New York City. Year after year twenty-somethings flock to this cosmopolitan colossus in search of the two L’s: Labels and Love. You can’t go through life not knowing who you TRULY are, so this quiz will ONCE AND FOR ALL, DEFINITIVELY tell you whether you’re a Carrie, Miranda or one of the 14 million Americans each year who contracts HPV!
1. On a Saturday Night You Are…
A. At the hottest new restaurant in town with a man (or two) at your table
B. Struggling to decide which new versace pumps to wear
C. Sitting on your couch watching TV, blissfully unaware that you have contracted genital HPV as there are often no symptoms and it can go away on its own without causing any serious health problems
2. What’s your dream job??
A. I’m a creative and I NEED to express myself! Writer!
B. Partner At My Law Firm. BEFORE I’m 30.
C. Any job that offers health insurance.
3. Okay, You’ve Met A New Guy!!! How Do You Introduce Him To Your Friends?
A. Hey guys! This is Aaron… my BOYFRIEND!
B. Ladies… this is Aaron… he’s a friend.
C. This is Aaron, one of my sexual partners. Did you know that the Human Papillomavirus or HPV is so common that the CDC estimates that 79 million people — men and women — are thought to have an active HPV infection at any given time? With those numbers, the chances are high that Aaron and I have both been exposed. I’ll have a martini.
4. Alright, Where’s Your Ideal Vacation?
A. Paris, duh!
B. City MD
C. Dubai
5. An attractive stranger on the street asks for your number, what do you do???
A. You only live once and I can’t say no to a man in Armani
B. A stranger on the street? Chances of them being crazy are 100%
C. Anal warts (condyloma acuminata) are caused by the human papilloma virus (HPV), the most common sexually transmitted disease (STD). The warts affect the area around and inside the anus, but may also develop on the skin of the genital area. Anyway, his roommate gave me those, so it’s gonna be a no from me.
6. Pick A Fabric, Honey…
A. Fine Italian Leather
B. Fine Italian Medical Gauze
C. Velvet
7. Now Pick A Drink, Honey!
A. Actually, I’m not supposed to be drinking right now.
B. A cosmo!
C. Actually, I’m not supposed to be drinking right now, but for a different reason
8. Mr. Big Is Calling You At 1AM!
A. Fuck, He Still Has Feelings For Me…
B. Fuck, He Must Have The Wrong Number, Because I’m Miranda
C. Fuck, I can’t answer the phone right now because I’m enjoying a sexual encounter with a consenting partner or partners and using a latex condom, which can reduce–but not totally eliminate–the risk of HPV transmission
9. Who Ordered The Cobb Salad?
A. Me
B. Me
C. Both Of Them
10. Which one of these is DEFINITELY something you’ve said:
A. I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet
B. I’m so bloated and gassy, I’m like a flotation device
C. I love this show, but Carrie’s takes on sexuality have aged so so poorly. Anyway, wanna have sex?
Results:
Regardless of what you choose: You’ve Got HPV! Congrats!
No shame in that at all! Keep having fun girl!
