Local Lesbian Transforms Into A Stable, Sturdy Home

SEATTLE, WA— Most people transform into an animal or a bug, but Eva Withers is not most people. The 78-year-old queer woman morphed miraculously – but at no surprise to her family – into a stable, sturdy home.


“She turned into her truest self: a strong foundation and fine mahogany cabinetry” reported Withers’ granddaughter.


Family members welcomed Withers’ sudden transformation by celebrating inside what is now her maplewood breakfast nook with a gloss varnish. “She is as strong as an old growth cedar, and man you can see it in the floors!” reports Withers’ wife, Shelly, as she shook her head and slapped Wither’s earth tone countertop. 


Withers herself also couldn’t be happier about her decadent transformation. Her foyer boasts beautiful solid hardwood floors that lead to a master bedroom with vaulted ceilings making a strong, supportive foundation, like Withers’ character. The second floor opens up to a spacious loft accessed only by a needless spiral staircase adorned with absolutely massive floral sculptures.


“I’ve always thought of myself as a mid-century townhouse. I cannot believe this is actually happening!” reports Withers. “I’m just so relieved that I didn’t transform into a dolphin or back into a human or something – no thank you!”


This well built queer queen has long term plans for her new-found transformation with potential B&B guests in mind. Withers reports, “I would love to do something rose gold, but whatever can storm-proof the sitting room has my attention.”

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