LOUISVILLE, KY&PP—Right on the heels of Rhode Island shortening their official name to help purge themselves of slavery’s racially violent stain on their history, the state of Kentucky is capitalizing on the freshly available title.
“Now that Rhode Island has dropped the ‘and Providence Plantations’ part of their name, it’s totally fair game for us to swoop in and claim it for ourselves!” said Rand Paul, one of the senators of the state now known as Kentucky and Providence Plantations.
“We’ve been waiting to pounce on this better name for decades and decades!” said Mitch McConnell, the state’s other senator who, by the way, is up for reelection this November. “Those suckers in Rhode Island just gave it up like it was something to be ashamed of!”
The name change decision is not without critics. Many were quick to point out that the Providence plantations were specific to their original site in Rhode Island. However, supporters of the re-brand remained adamant that the Providence Plantations are more a state of mind than a physical place.
“We must protect this important part of our rich history that isn’t actually part of our history from being erased!” said local Kentucky and Providence Plantationer Randy Dobbs, unaware that Kentucky was a border state during the Civil War.
Sen. McConnell also remains proud of his state: “First we successfully withheld justice for Breonna Taylor. Then we showcased historic levels of black voter suppression at this week’s election. And now we finally have a name that really suits us!”
In related news, local wedding venues have already begun excitedly advertising that now any wedding in their state can technically be considered a plantation wedding.