I’m going to just come right out and say it: fuck Corn. This week, President Trump pardoned the final turkey of his presidency. Online voters picked Corn to receive the pardon. That pardon truly belongs to Henny, a turkey who emits an aura like that of deceased actress and writer Carrie Fisher.
While I don’t have any tangible proof, Henny feels full of the droll wit and fuck-it-all attitude Carrie was famous for. As fellow Henny supporter Josh Allen said on Twitter, “It’s not that she looks like her. I just sense that this Butterball could be capable of writing Postcards From The Edge, doing coke, and having a torrid affair with Harrison Ford. I think she truly is Carrie Fisher reincarnated.”
Several online campaigns have called for Carrie Fisher’s Star Wars co-stars, friends, and even loved ones to meet with the turkey in hopes of proving it truly is Carrie in there. Unfortunately, none of them responded, although Mark Hamill did retweet a follower who asked him about it saying “HAHAHAHAHAHA!”
It’s not too late to reverse Corn’s pardon and award it to Henny. Corn has done nothing meaningful in his time on this planet. He has not punched up the script for The Empire Strikes Back nor has he been an ally to the LGBTQ+ community like Carrie was. And if it isn’t her? I will eat this bird raw. Feathers and all by myself. That is how strongly I can feel it.
The stakes are just too high to let Henny become some family’s Thanksgiving dinner. Would you have let Carrie Fisher meet the same fate? I didn’t think so.
