This is a woman-driven moment worth celebrating! Erin McGovney of Cleveland, Ohio is the new record-holder for facing rejection from lesbians for having previously dated men. Hell yeah!
“It’s an honor,” reports McGovney. “Sure, after the first dozen rejections I thought this was bi-phobic bullshit, but once I learned I was on track to break a record, I just knew there was a bounty of lesbians out there waiting to reject me. It gave me confidence.”
McGovney broke her record during a light flirtation with McKenna St. Stierre, who was quite interested in McGovney until she learned of her bisexuality and—yuck-o—her history of dating men.
“My ex-girlfriend was bisexual,” reports St. Stierre as she spread her legs on the Subway, “and she cheated on me with a guy, so… I didn’t want to have to go through that again,” she said, then turned a page in her copy of Infinite Jest.
Absolutely incredible! We need more stories like this!
We wish women like St. Stierre were around when we were growing up! McGovney’s impressive series of rejections from lesbians began when she was just a teenager. Her first came from Courtney Bamborg in 2009, when the two were waiting in line for the bathroom together at a house party. Bamborg was going to ask for McGovney’s number, but changed her mind when she learned McGovney’s last relationship was with a boy named Jimothy.
“I was like, absolutely not,” explained Bamborg. “We all know bi women cheat. And besides they’re just bisexual for the attention,” she said as she revved her massive, 20-foot motorcycle.
“Courtney really introduced me to the dating world for bi women,” reports McGovney. “If it weren’t for her sense of entitlement and ‘no-dick’ rule, I never would have had the resilience to get back out there and face rejection after rejection after rejection from other lesbians.”
St. Stierre’s rejection of McGovney set a new record that hadn’t been broken in over fifteen years. McGovney flirted with St. Stierre for twenty-five minutes to break this record, and explained that it had been a relentless effort to court her.
“I owe this honor to all the women that rejected me, especially McKenna, “explains McGovney, “If it weren’t for her, I never would have—”
“It’s just so frustrating,” St. Stierre interrupted as she drilled for crude oil and earned a higher salary. “Listen, Erin seems great, but we both know that most people that claim they’re bisexual actually aren’t, and Erin must be one of them.”
Studies show that bisexual women are two times as likely as lesbians to encounter men in their dating history. If the future is female, it begins with empowering stories like McGovney’s.
“I just hope she realizes that she only likes dudes,” finished St. Stierre completely unprompted.
