I am proud to be able to come out and say, “hello world, I am Pan-sexual. I am in love with the half-goat, half-man of Greek lore, Pan.” For years, I called myself Bisexual, but that wasn’t really it. Yes, he is both, a man and a goat, but he’s also a god… so that’s more than two things.
If you are anything like me, you have been waiting all year to come out at the right time, just as the turkey hits the table. However, you might be thinking, “but how can I do it this year? since May I have been living in my mom’s guest room.” Well don’t worry, you still can, with only a couple of small tweaks, you can turn a Zoom Thanksgiving into a fight about why “it’s not a choice, Uncle Stew” as quickly as you can in person.
For, as a basic gay you have to do bad Ursula drag at least once, plus you want to make a bunch of fish queen jokes to annoy your friends.
There has been a lot of talk this year about abolishing the police. But if we defund the police, what happens when you really need them most?
“He’s on that show your father used to watch?” Mom reports. “He does cookbooks now? Come on, you know who he is! He’s… you know…. I think he’s married to that guy from the Olympics maybe?”