There is a debate raging in the queer community over if we have progressed past the point of calling people bisexuals? Many feel that calling yourself a bisexual means you support the idea that gender is a binary, other’s say, that’s a misrepresentation of the term. It can feel really hard to figure out what these terms mean to you. It was hard for me, but I am finally ready.
I am proud to be able to come out and say, “hello world, I am Pan-sexual. I am in love with the half-goat, half-man of Greek lore, Pan.” For years, I called myself Bisexual, but that wasn’t really it. Yes, he is both, a man and a goat, but he’s also a god… so that’s more than two things.
Some people would argue being ‘pan-sexual,’ is about finding a whole spectrum of people attractive, but I don’t find a single person attractive who doesn’t have the hind legs of a goat and the face of a trickster. For me, part of the attraction is his goat-like horns and the fact that his father is Zeus.
When I first told my mother, she thought that I was attracted to women. It took some time, but now, she realizes, that I am not attracted to women or men for that matter. I am only attracted to the god of the wilderness.
She had a lot of preconceived notions about what it meant to be pan-sexual, she thought it meant that I was slutty. I had to explain to her, he’s not a fertility god. Yes, he used to cavort with nymphs, but he is no Aphrodite. Yes, he likes sex but he spends more time protecting shepherds and ruling over mountains. It’s hard given he has so many exes, but I try to not be jealous. Yes, he seduced the moon, but he had to wrap himself in a sheepskin to hide his form from her, I take him how he is.
Some people would argue that being in love with a “man” makes me straight, which is just so small-minded. Being in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender doesn’t make you straight.
Others have asked me, “wait what do you mean you are dating a demi-god?” Which I assume they mean, “Why don’t you call yourself demisexual?” To which I have to say, “He’s actually considered a full god despite his goat-like form and human mother. Also, I don’t think that’s what that means.”
Sometimes people ask me, “do you have advice about the next generation of pan-sexuals?” and yes, since he is immortal he will outlive me, but you stay away from my goat-man. After I die, I assume he will come to retrieve me from the river stix, he has an in with Hades.
Finding where you belong in this community is about as hard as a mortal, such as myself, taking a seat on Mount Olympus, but to really find happiness sometimes we have to. I know it was hard for Pan too, before me he had only dated river nymphs and never a human woman from Cincinnati, but we all have to make adjustments.
