You could be anything this year for Halloween, but you then feel it. It feels as if the wind is whispering to you, “put purple face paint and a gray wig in your basket.” You have heard the sirens call and you must steal that siren’s voice for there is only one thing you can be this year and you will do your laziest drag to do it. For, as a basic gay you have to do bad Ursula drag at least once, plus you want to make a bunch of “fish queen” jokes that will annoy your friends.
She is your queen. She has been since childhood because your mother never let you watch films with real gay people. So coded-queer squid, villain your icon shall be. You see yourself in her, not because in looks or actions, but because, you too are a huge, queer bitch.
Are you a Disney gay? No. She is your one, your only. And by dawning her skin, you may show your devotion if only for a night. That and like, you didn’t have a better costume idea and she is always a slay.
After spiriting away for the Spirit store, you must return home, only to find you have no make-up or padding skills, but after borrowing your roommate’s dress, you realize, maybe that’s enough for it to be a costume, you don’t need tentacles, they will just get in the way.
Halfway through painting your face purple, you realize, she was more of a grey color, but you think, “close enough, people will get it.” And get it they shall, for every queer Halloween party needs at least one poorly constructed Ursula costume. This year it is your time.
In other years, you would black out so fast you wouldn’t remember doing a slurred version of Poor Unfortunate Souls at karaoke, but this year, the outfit is solely for the ‘gram and the three Pines friends meeting on your roof. One of them will say to you, “OMG I love Divine” and you will answer “who?”
