PHOENIX, AZ— Today, Austin Bickal and the “Boys Who Brunch” announced via their alt Twitter accounts that all local Pride events planned for this summer were in fact reinstated and relocated to the basement of that one Hamburger Mary’s. This information is considered embargoed to anyone whose name is Steve McCoy, known gay bully who always insists on commenting that you are “so brave” for wearing elastic waist jeans.
In this announcement, Bickal, the “Brian Kinney” of the “Boys Who Brunch”, wrote, “Steve McCoy used to be an amazing guy to hang with, but for some reason, 2020 has turned him into a Wicked Witch, and not in the fun Idina way.”
Bickal showcased evidence via Instagram screenshots that McCoy was “less kiki and more mean-mean.” One example showed McCoy labeled, “club cute but a bedroom boot.”
Bickal also revealed that he was the one who initially cancelled all local Pride related events under the guise of public safety, but it was in fact a personal vendetta.
“I’ll admit,” Bickal shared, “I didn’t think it would work. I was like, “Pride is cancelled”, and he was like, “Good, I am SO over Pride. Also, cute shirt,” but he said cute in like a mean way, you know?” Dave Baker, reporter for all his friends who are “off” Facebook, seconded the drastic measures.
Devon Wessington, the “shy but in a flirty way” one of the “Boys Who Brunch” described the basement party as a raging success. “No one felt judged for their inability to dance, because no one could dance, since we were probably close to one thousand people crammed in the basement of a restaurant.”
“Nothing makes you feel more connected to your community when the only way to get a drink is to play a game of telephone with the people you are crushed up against and hoped that the drink that eventually crowd surfs your way is the right thing.”
Bickal noted how freeing it was to not be weighed down by the negativity of one passive aggressive homosexual white cis man.
“At first, when we saw people taking off their shirts, we thought we were back to a sense of normalcy. Then we quickly realized that it was the only way to regulate body heat. Still, it was a real #bodypositivity moment that couldn’t have happened if McCoy was here.”
But the stress isn’t over for the “Boys Who Brunch”.
“Halloween is getting closer by the day and I keep getting messages from McCoy about what the different sexy things he should be at the party,” Baker explained. “I cannot be shamed by a sexy head of lettuce. Again.”