“Laura, I’m really worried that nothing I’ve done in my life matters as we face the end of the world.” And Laura was just like, “I feel that.” And then we both just stared silently on FaceTime for a long, sad while.
“I really wanted to see that 11 year old girl skate,” said Marley Motton. “I don’t know how to skate, but I dress like an 11 year old skateboarder, and it would’ve been so meaningful to see someone who looks like me compete at the Olympic Games.”
“I am such a big fan of Kristen, and she’s always supported my work,” reports the Infinity Symbol, “So I felt it was finally time to repay her and get my very own tattoo of the starlet on my inner ring.”
In the wake of the Pete 2020 campaign suspension and endorsement of Biden, more skeletons are being dragged out of the closet. Long before his nights fundraising in wine caves, alleged military man Pete Buttigieg was pouring wine at a four-star establishment in the Afghan capital of Kabul.
“While this lie of omission is disturbing, to be a gay serviceman in the restaurant industry is still putting your life on the line for God and country in similar sense,” said one South Bend resident and now-former Pete 2020 field organizer.
After seeing the amazing new representation in the NFL, this queer fantasy football league has forgone the need for any actual players when they realized Katie Sowers would be there. Who needs a whole team of straight male athletes when you can have one lesbian with a sick undercut?