It’s happening again. Your mom is constructing the world’s longest, most confusing sentence to talk about you without using a ‘they’ pronoun. You’ve traveled home for the holidays, and Lisa, a lovely 60-year-old from next door, spots you and your mother on a walk. She asks how you have been and your mother launches into a proud update on your various accomplishments.
In an announcement on social media, Hugo Grown, who is two cis kids in a trench coat, came out as using gender neutral ‘they’ pronouns. When asked to comment, the child posing as Hugo’s upper half stated, “this is us–I mean, me–being proud of who I am: a non-binary adult who is old enough to buy lighters.”
Sources report that Jackson Wright, a white cis/het financial analyst, recently received the prestigious GLAAD Ally Award for boldly adding “he/him” pronouns to his email signature.
Forcing the binary of gender upon humanity has been one of the most oppressive burdens our species has ever had to bear. That said. My boat? She’s all woman.
“It’s just so complicated,” remarked local father, Jonathan Coates, who understands what such terms as “ADP” and “walk-to-strikeout rate” mean. “Like, ‘they’ is singular now? It just doesn’t seem right. Anyway, some jackass just swiped one of my players. Who do they think they are?”