CHICAGO, IL— In homosexual relationships there is always the risk of wearing the same thing as your partner, so it came as no shock when Brian Green and Drew Matthews both arrived at their first date wearing the same top, the same jeans, and the same modulation of their voice – two octaves lower than normal.
This year has been an especially lonely one and it’s felt even more during the holidays. Some are missing physical touch and longing for the warm embrace of a loved one, while others just want an 8-foot tall goat-horned Christmas demon to plow them into yesteryear.
Local doting mother Barbara Ann has always cleaned and stuffed her Thanksgiving turkeys but this year she was granted a much deserved reprieve when her son’s older boyfriend, Rick, volunteered to do the dirty work.
Long-time lesbians, Layla and Sheryl both had big plans for their anniversary brunch last Sunday. After finishing off their vegan chilaquiles, Layla Singh stepped away from the table and got down on one knee. However, before she could even reveal the silver band etched with glowing symbols, her girlfriend, Sheryl Simons jumped out of her seat and pulled an identical ring out from under her flannel.
“It will be remarkably unsurprising if in the next few months we see him invest his time and money into thinks like reckless space exploration, carnivorous nanobots, or shrink rays,” said CNN political analyst Hannah Oringer.