MENLO PARK, CA— Daily COVID-19 cases in the United States has risen to almost 150,000 cases and 2,000 deaths per day. America has officially had enough and has taken to Instagram, the beloved social media platform and pastime, to officially cancel quarantine.
While there is no national coherent policy from the President of the United States to deal with the pandemic, Instagram has decided to ban photos containing masks and any messages promoting them. Interspersed between pop social justice slideshows and BLM protest media, Americans are pretending the coronavirus pandemic is over in photos, videos, stories and reels to show off how resilient they are as the greatest country ever.
“I went hiking with my friend and we posted a selfie with our masks on,” said makeup and fashion influencer Tatyannah Smith. “But then Instagram took it down and shadowbanned me until I posted one of us without masks at an indoor concert.”
There’s no better way to display American freedom than celebrating an election win with random strangers at a bar or throwing a huge Halloween party in a mansion with all the top micro-influencers and Insta-baddies. Early studies show the American economy might have seen a significant uptick in spending and new jobs thanks to branded content from cabins in Vermont, resorts in Florida, and university campuses in Texas.
Instagram’s unique policy has been praised for supporting local businesses. The corporation owned by Mark Zuckerberg pays influencers to travel on planes and eat brunch inside restaurants while servers in their face shields wipes down a table out of frame. One user received ten million new followers after one post was captioned, “Does COVID really exist when you can still see all your friends over an overpriced pitcher of mimosas just like before?”
However, many social media gurus have flocked to Twitter to freely complain that canceling quarantine is irresponsible and could potentially lead to even higher death rates for Americans. Instagram responded with a massive campaign posting black squares captioned, “Remember it’s COVID that’s cancelled, not you.”