Transgender Student Athlete Excited To Represent School That Treats Her Like Shit

CHARLESTON, SC— Lakewood High School junior Abigail Snodie is set to return to the varsity girls’ soccer team next season after recent efforts to bar transgender students from competing in amateur sports failed.


Snodie, a dedicated athlete known for her intense training regimens, positive attitude, and ability to draw hordes of pitchfork wielders into the stands, is the conference’s first and only transgender student to make a varsity team.


“I’m so excited to play the sport I love for my school team again,” said Snodie, the three-year goalie and team captain as she tried to walk through the cafeteria without being catcalled. “I’ve been playing soccer in this community since I was four and I am incredibly proud of the things this team has been able to accomplish.”


Snodie has been prolific in her high school career; holding the school record for saves, highest save percentage, and most parents petitioning to have a player removed from the team mid-game.


“Abby is truly the heart and soul of our squad,” said Lakewood Coach Suzanne Yates while changing the name on the school’s unisex bathroom to ‘Abby’s Locker Room.’ “She’s the most supportive teammate I’ve ever seen and can block literally everything that comes her way.”


However, not everyone shares the team’s excitement. Members of the Lakewood community recently held a forum to express their concerns.


“We will not sit idly by while our daughters are introduced to this dangerous person who has been playing with them for over a decade without incident,” bellowed PTA President Meredith McKinney to confused applause.


The attention has not phased the Abby or the team, however, as they remain focused on their goals for the season.


“We love Abby and are thrilled we get to play with her during her senior season. We wouldn’t be the same team without her,” said Midfielder Jessica Cochrane during a training camp picketed by her mother. “Mom. Jesus! Go home!”  


Snodie indicated that once her high school career is over she plans to play at the collegiate level where she can finally represent a school that treats all female student athletes like shit.

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