Lab Results Determine Man Self-Diagnosed As ‘Spiraling’ Is Just Dehydrated

Emergency Room workers at Mount Sinai Hospital reached a routine diagnosis of dehydration after running labs for Brian Thomas, a 27 year old Social Media Manager. Thomas checked himself into the ER earlier that day claiming he had come down with a severe case of “spiraling”. While he claimed that he was feeling intense symptoms of “can’t even,” labs concluded Brian was clearly just dehydrated.

Pornhub Introduces ‘Longing Glances’ Category

Pornhub has announced a new category to draw in new viewers to the streaming mega-site — devoted viewers can find the new category labeled “Longing Glances.” While most people wouldn’t consider two people looking at each other from afar for 30 seconds porn, Pornhub aims to change that. The site has realized that for too long, it has overlooked a key demographic, women, queers, and people who are just a little too into period pieces. The site hopes that the new category can bring these users into the world of Pornhub.

Liza Minnelli Sighting At Gay Bar Actually Disorganized Coat Check

Yas Queen or Dry Clean? Not unlike the nation, local gay bar patrons found themselves utterly divided on whether Liza Minelli had made a surprise appearance, or if it was just a heaping pile of fabulous coats. Frenzied gays reportedly yelled “slay!” at the motionless coat pile for several minutes, assuming Ms. Minelli was merely holding a dramatic pose. Volvika Cran, a bartender working the infamous Liza shift, maintains Ms. Minelli was not present.