Now that we’re all stuck inside, the apps have officially replaced the bars. We’re all looking for love in the time of our cholera and we’re finding it in the worst place possible. We all know the runaround, and we certainly know the bullshit. It seems like everyone has something they aren’t saying on the apps, but here’s 70 things he DID say before mentioning he’s in an exclusive relationship. Which ones do you relate to?
- Nice pic
- That’s a Pringles can in the background for scale 😉
- Although once it pops the fun stops lol
- Wait is that pic a halloween costume of Rash?!
- No way I was also into Battletoads!!! Omg Zitz 4lyfe
- Yeah, Ninja Turtles are for casuals
- My top score was 14,756 nbd
- Not much rn just making dinner but I’m hard as a rock right now, sorry if oversharing
- Pastitio, I’m using Ina Garten’s recipe
- Thank you!!! Carbs are not the enemy, Valentina fans are
- I’m not over it
- Hey
- Hey
- Hey, sorry I keep not responding, been busy
- Not much, in a meeting right now but it’s so boring and I’m so horny
- This nonprofit that helps fund music programs in underserved communities
- I literally can’t stand up right now these pants do not keep secrets
- It’s really fulfilling work
- Lol
- Whoops looks like I sent a pic of my ass 🙂
- Doing a home workout, I am like DRENCHED in sweat right now.
- I don’t think I’d ever have sex in a gym but I def fantasize? But that sounds like a great way to get ringworm.
- Yeah I used to wrestle in high school and NO it was not sexy
- Fine I’ll find a pic
- I came out when I was 20. Mom cried. Dad didn’t talk to me for awhile but it’s cool now
- No don’t worry, it’s cool now
- Hey
- What should I eat for lunch besides your ass
- Saaaame, I’m like horniest at 2 in the afternoon, it’s super inconvenient.
- Hey
- Hey bro
- Hey are you mad at me?
- Aw sorry to hear that guy ghosted you
- Uh…yeah I think we could meet up this week 🙂
- This is so dumb and specific but like the hottest thing to me is a guy fully naked except for a scarf
- Omg that pic you sent
- I might have to clear my schedule 😮
- Yeah not to go full psychologist but my brother’s best friend growing up went skinny dipping with me in a hot tub during a ski vacation and he was only wearing a scarf so it’s been a thing for me since
- What’s your weird specific thing
- That’s not that weird! Specific though
- Did you like that pic? 😉 I almost dropped my phone in the bathtub, it’s pretty hard to only have your dick visible in a bubble bath.
- Hey
- Hey whats up
- OMG I’m so sorry but I can’t make it tonight
- Nooooo I’m sorry I was on the subway my message didn’t send you weren’t there long right???
- maybe next week I’m so sorry
- Hey
- Unlock?
- Hey
- I can smell myself and it’s driving me crazy
- Hey
- Wanna loofa me bath boy?
- Lol oh no didn’t mean to interrupt your Passover seder
- Wait get off your phone! Lol l’chaim
- Oh I thought it was a thing. I don’t know religion lol sry
- Yeah come get this body and blood :p
- Yikes that didn’t work
- Hey
- Hi
- Wanna take my shirt off but it’s chafing my nips in like the best way
- Omg I’m so sorry to hear that
- Is she gonna be okay?
- No don’t feel weird, you can vent to me here.
- Hey. Sorry got busy. Any updates on your sister?
- That’s so good to hear.
- Ugh! He ghosted you after 3 dates? I’m sorry men can be such pigs.
- That’s so immature. And after he got you so emotionally involved.
- I feel like I’ve really gotten to know you. You’re a worthwhile person. No one should treat you that way. I’m sure there’s a great guy out there for you who’s gonna be the person you deserve.
- It took me a lot of time to believe that about myself, it really did. My boyfriend was the first person to show me how I should be treated, I owe him so much.
- Oh wow I never mentioned my boyfriend?
BONUS:
71. Yeah, he’s the only man I need in life!
How many of these have been said to you? Maybe we could all try to treat each other better. Whatever your experience, though, we can all agree: protect your health and your hole and stay home!
