Step aside Britney! The alpha mama of Big Cat Rescue—and almost certain murderer of HETEROSEXUAL millionaire Don Lewis—is perfectly perched to pounce and snag the gay icon tiara for herself.
I’m torn because on the one hand my computer is frozen, but on the other hand, millions of people have to stare at this rainbow wheel telling them “Oh no you don’t, honey.”
“I am such a big fan of Kristen, and she’s always supported my work,” reports the Infinity Symbol, “So I felt it was finally time to repay her and get my very own tattoo of the starlet on my inner ring.”
Lady Gaga clinched the all important ‘will support anything gay’ vote this Super Tuesday. She easily filled the gaping hole left by Pete Buttigieg’s sudden exit with her new platform of dancing in neon jumpsuits in the desert.
Every year, all the heteros REALLY want for Christmas is for Mariah to sing that one fucking song. Mimi, welcome back into the arms of those who truly love understand you, the elusive chanteuse, the skinniest legend.