For sports fans, football is as synonymous with the fall season as the leaves changing, pumpkin spice lattes, and the sound of children playing Smear The Queer in the school yard on the first day back from summer break. Us die-hards can never get enough of it and any day that passes without a game feels hollow and wasted. That’s why we came up with a list of content that has all the action, drama, and engrained homophobia we know and love about football that you can watch while waiting for your next fix of the best damn sport on the planet.
Despite the postponement of the 2020 Tokyo Olympics due to the COVID-19 pandemic, American gymnast Benji Kile is maintaining his flexibility by taking regular pics of his tight little hole.
“I really wanted to see that 11 year old girl skate,” said Marley Motton. “I don’t know how to skate, but I dress like an 11 year old skateboarder, and it would’ve been so meaningful to see someone who looks like me compete at the Olympic Games.”
Producers report that they didn’t know what to do with the San Francisco 49ers assistant coach character after she came out.
After seeing the amazing new representation in the NFL, this queer fantasy football league has forgone the need for any actual players when they realized Katie Sowers would be there. Who needs a whole team of straight male athletes when you can have one lesbian with a sick undercut?