A recent Supreme Court ruling declared the Civil Rights Act of 1964 protects employees from being fired for their sexuality or gender identity. Brandon Miller, a 25-year-old gay cashier at the local Marshall’s, celebrated the decision by sipping a large Diet Pepsi on his cigarette break and coughing up brimstone.
DeGeneres and the freshly dug up remains of Justice Scalia were spotted this past National Coming Out Day laughing it up and decomposing, respectively. “On this day in particular, it feels liberating to finally show the world who I really am!” The former comedian defended her proximity to the bigoted, rotting corpse. “We should be kind to everyone, even the corpses of those who sought to codify queer oppression!”