While the study sample was exclusively circuit gays, scientists can still conclusively say they have no fucking idea where Gene went. “Gene told researchers that he loves us but his body is too warm and the music sucks. Then he just bolted,” reported team leader Calvin Tolbin. “We’ve been searching for answers. Gene’s been searching for uppers.”
“I’ve experienced a lifetime of unwanted touching at gay bars,” said patron James Tulliver. “But when the former vice president walked in, this was truly no longer a safe space.”
“Two years ago when I was at The Boar for my friend’s bachelor party, some guy followed me out then beat me senseless three blocks later. The doctors said I was lucky I didn’t suffer long term brain damage,” said Terry Gould, a former guest of The Boar. “But then I saw they put up an itty bitty pride sticker by the door, and now I’m holding MY bachelor party there. Isn’t that kinda beautiful?”
There’s no denying it—gay bars are becoming the new hot spot for straight cis women.