80 percent of New Years resolutions fail by February. But did you know that 100 percent of gay people’s New Years resolutions are internalized homophobia?
“In order to stay competitive in the chicken sandwich market, we knew we had to make a change,” said Chick-Fil-A CEO Dan Cathy, “and that’s why we’re proud to do the bare minimum for all you perfectly tolerable queers out there. Please buy our food.”
Following the release of Swift’s highly popular LGBT anthem, a recent nationwide poll found that a sudden rise in anti-gay sentiment specifically from your’s truly.