As re-openings sweep the nation, everyone is reconnecting with loved ones they haven’t seen in months. Jake Gorban, 24 twink, surprised his friends and family when he emerged from multiple lock downs as a fire breathing Charizard, the final form of Charmander. While he was always a flaming power bottom, Jake has gained actual fire breath and a tail that is literally a flame.
Perhaps like me, you started the pandemic with goals: write a novel, learn a new language, or at least work out everyday. And now more than a year later, you’ve achieved none of these goals. If you are disappointed in yourself for wasting time, you shouldn’t be. You are not wasting time. Instead, what you are going through is wasting time’s fabulous gay cousin: languishing.
As the U.S. continues to bungle its COVID-19 crisis, Satan, the Lord of Darkness, announced a moratorium on American souls entering Hell. “Out of an abundance of caution,” Beelzebub told reporters, “we simply cannot welcome people into eternal damnation who aren’t taking this thing seriously.”
Bar patrons fondly remembered Pam’s final lewk, which featured red stilettos and a sequined N95 mask. The crowd could be heard yelling, “you’re giving me lifeeeeee!” Unfortunately, contact tracing later confirmed they gave the performer a deadly case of the novel coronavirus.
We reached out to some of the most successful sugar babies for advice and put all of their wisdoms in one place for young entrepreneurs looking to break into the sugar baby biz.